Tuesday Top 10: Battlebots Matches

Now that the Draft is behind us, the schedule is released and the Patriots have been hammered by the NFL, there isn’t much in terms of exciting football news that will happen until teams hit training camp in mid-July. Being a football blogger over the summer is a mostly boring venture, so I decided to bring back my “Tuesday Top 10” segment. If nothing else, it will get me to at least write something once a week, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with football.

If you have an idea for a “Tuesday Top 10” subject, drop me a line on twitter or shoot me an e-mail.

It was announced recently that BATTLEBOTS, aka The Greatest Show That Ever Aired In The History Of Television No Don’t Tell Me It Was Something Else Because Fighting Robots That’s Why, would be making a glorious return to television. The original show was a staple of late night Comedy Central programming in the early 2000s but was cancelled because of legal disagreements over licensing. Now, the show has been resurrected by ABC and will air 6 episodes starting in June 2015. (One of the major differences of the new tournament is that weight classes appear to have been eliminated).

For the first Tuesday Top 10 of 2015, I’m looking back at the 10 best Battlebots matches of all time.

THE BOX IS LOCKED

THE LIGHTS ARE ON

IT’S ROBOT FIGHTIN’ TIME

10. Hazard vs T-Minus
Season 5 Middleweight Semi-Finals

This wasn’t so much a “great” match as it was “historic.” Hazard was undefeated and the winner of 3 Giant Nuts in the middleweight division, recording 12 KO’s along the way. Season 5 had already seen perennial Lightweight Champion Ziggo go down when his wheels got shredded, and the undefeated Hazard was the next to fall.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHSAH8U0fL4]

9. The Judge vs No Apologies
Season 5 Superheavyweight

This was one of the more under-rated rivalries in the Battlebots circuit. The Judge bested No Apologies in Season 3 before the revenge match in Season 5. Both bots featured a similar design with pneumatic hammers that delivered a powerful blow to the top of their opponent. Their Season 5 rematch was a back-and-forth affair that ended with one bot on fire.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALUj7kFjZ70]

8. Son of Whyachi vs BioHazard
Season 4 Heavyweight Final

The fact that I still get angry about this match probably means that I was way too invested in the results of robot fighting competitions when I was 15 years old. Son of Whyachi reached the finals in the Heavyweight division because of a classification rule that allowed “walking” robots a weight exemption. Whyachi otherwise would have been a Superheavyweight and reached the finals thanks to the most devastating hit in Battlebots history against Nightmare and a bizarre KO against MechaVore where MechaVore seemed to have incapacitated Whyachi but then mysteriously stopped working. Does that sound familiar? Almost the exact same thing happened in this Championship match with BioHazard and BioHazard was counted out despite still being mobile. Maybe I’m just a Whyachi Truther, but something was fishy here.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYCryx-1gqc]

7. Hazard vs Complete Control
Season 4 Middleweight Finals

Unlike some of the ones higher on the list, this wasn’t a “close” match by any means. Hazard was seeking his third Giant Nut and just ripped the Canadian bot to shreds. The great thing about fighting robots is the utter carnage, and this match was full of it.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxV92vHgyCA]

6. Mechavore vs Vlad the Impaler
Season 3 Heavyweight

Vlad was one of the most dominant bots on the heavyweight circuit. Mechavore was a rookie in Season 3 with a spinning blade that absolutely tore his opponents apart. There’s some great carnage in this one.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hCD5tv1uv8]

5. Ziggo vs The Big B
Season 4 Lightweight Finals

Ziggo spent most of his time doing things like this and just totally wrecking other bots. The only bot in Season 4 he did not KO was The Big B in the title bout, which went back and forth. While The Big B took some serious damage from Ziggo, he was relentless in his attack and just kept pursuing.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn-WiYt4v0E]

4. Vladiator vs Diesector
Season 5 Superheavyweight Final

This was the second meeting between the two, who were arguably the best two bots in the top division. This was a great back and forth match with a Giant Nut on the line.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfswZnZnkoo]

3. Toro vs Vladiator
Season 4 Superheavyweight

TORO! TORO! TORO! TORO!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KSGFVocp1M]

2. Vladiator vs Diesector
Season 3 Superheavyweight Semi-Finals

This was the first of two meetings between these bots and it was one for the ages. Back and forth all match with a somewhat surprising result at the end.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbD9fx_tygM]

1. BioHazard vs Vlad the Impaler
Season 2 Heavyweight Finals

Vlad was the defending champion and had not been taken off his wheels all season. BioHazard ended that quickly. Also, they BROKE A PULVERIZER. This is pretty much the Ali-Frazier of Battlebots matches.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMuvAIzjJmU]