TWEETCAP REBOOT: Pens Get Swept Edition

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If there was ever a time to bring back Rich’s old TweetCap for one night and one night only, the most fitting time would have to be in the form of the Penguins getting swept in the first round to the goddamn Islanders.

And, folks, are we in for a ride.  Let’s go.

They didn’t.  But it is truckmonth.  Important perspective to maintain.


Galaxy brain shit kicking us off coming out of Long Island. This Greg guy should stick to being a “broadcaster on lacrosse talk radio.”

Whatever the fuck that means.

In the end, Gretz had this all pegged during warmups.  We didn’t listen.  We.  Didn’t.  Listen.

Also Dan had this pegged before Game 1.  Again, listening is something none of us did.

The music told the story.  Music: Actually bad now.

First Period

Puck drop.  Game on.

Took just 35 seconds.  Guentzel, baby.  1-0 Pens.

Narrator: He didn’t.

It would take just 1:34 lmao.

And, of course, it was Letang that made the mistake to set it up.  DJ, heat up them takes.

Heat: Brought.

Impossible to say, but the Pens would get a powerplay not long later at least, right?

Wrong.  It would go as expected.  See also: Meesh’s tweet.

2-1 Islanders.

Second Period

By the time that shot made it 2-1, you knew the Pens weren’t scoring again.

Trade Jack Johnson to open up the cap space to sign our hunk friend.  Who says no?  We don’t and NEITHER SHOULD YOU.

We wouldn’t invite him to fill for our teams.

Pens would end up back on the powerplay with a chance to tie it up.  Again, it’d go as expected.

After the kill, Psychopath Playoff Patric Hornqvist showed up to try to do an actual murder kill.

The troop’s would of never let this series end up like this.

They just would of never let this happen either.

Or this.

Oh, and it’s not like the Islanders weren’t playing with a short bench or anything.  Remember this, it’s important when they lose 3-1.

Spoiler Alert: it’d be October.


Third Period

Game wasn’t even over yet before Bucci brought some brain genius silky sauce buckets mitts to the table.

Fortunately, the timing worked out that we could all tune into the cleanup job in Columbus.

Back to Penguins.

Shit shit no we fucked up take us back.  Do not like.

Okay good that’s better.

Back to the Pens…

Goddamnit.  Can we go back to Columbus?  The cannon is better than this.

This would’ve been fitting.

Couldn’t have hurt, right?  Take the head off the rat and it can’t trap anymore.  That’s a normal saying that human people say out loud.

What the hell is this city.

Six minutes left in the season…

Evergreen Jesse.


Glass half full mode.

Goalie pulled.  Extra skater on:

Pens really needed the Troops to counter this.  Shameful that they didn’t think of them.


Post Game thoughts

Let it all out, fam.

Underrated part of this all.  It’s refreshing.  Don’t @ us.

Bring the booze, though.

And, perhaps the most important thing…

Mario, guide us.

Welp.  Okay then. Take us away, Amy.


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