As a sports fan, you get used to the idea of each sport having its own season. Sure, there’s a couple months of overlapping here and there, but, at this point, each sport has carved out their window to dominate the sports landscape. Football is king from about October all the way through early February, where it hands the reigns off to basketball and hockey until early June, followed by baseball carrying the summer months through the World Series in October. The other “fringe sports” such as soccer, boxing and horse racing, just try to find a day or two in there somewhere to get noticed.
Yet, every once in a blue moon us sports fans are treated with a day like this Saturday, where the stars align and we are given a magical day of events that gives you the best of all worlds, all at the same time. A day where you could legitimately ignore all of your weekend chores and just watch sports for an entire day without feeling the least bit guilty. On any normal Saturday, every one of these eight(!) events could be a headliner. On this glorious day, you get them all.
That being said, not everyone can get away with 18 hours of binge-watching sports. Some people out there have lives that they need to attend to (weirdos). Those people will have to pick and choose which events to watch and which to skip.
So, with that in mind let’s break down this magical weekend with a handy little viewing guide to the big events of the day. Each even has reasons why you have to watch and why you can skip it, along with a beverage guide (this is key), and then a final verdict to sum it all up.
All events are listed in chronological order, and all times are Pacific Daylight Time.
NFL Draft – Rounds 4 through 7
Time: 9:00 AM
Why You Have to Watch: Because it’s the NFL! What more do you need? While the first round gets all the glory, with flashy suits, commissioner handshakes and photo-ops with shiny new #1 jerseys, it’s the late rounds where championship teams get built. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to take Peyton Manning or Darrelle Revis at the top of the draft, but, when you can get Tom Brady or Richard Sherman towards the end, that’s how you build a dynasty. Plus, the third day of the NFL draft is the perfect background entertainment while you prepare for the rest of your big day.
Why You Can Skip It: As much as we all love the NFL, and as much as the draft is a huge part of building your team, you can just as easily wait until it’s all over, spend a few minutes browsing over the results, and save yourself about 22 hours in the process. Plus, with such a busy day in front of you, you’ll want to make sure you’re well rested, so the 9am wakeup call is out.
Beverage of Choice: Water. It’s 9am, and you’re watching what amounts to an administrative event. Keep it clean.
Verdict: Skip it (for the most part). But, be sure to check in every hour or so to see who your favorite team drafted, and where your favorite college players ended up.
Washington Capitals vs New York Rangers, Game 2
Time: 9:30 AM
Why You Should Pay Attention: Because, even though I’m not really a hockey fan, I can tell you without equivocation that the chase for Lord Stanley’s Cup is one of the greatest events in all of sport. The fans are nutty, the players even nuttier and the outcomes are always unpredictable. It’s the perfect balance of all that is great about playoff sports. On top of that, you have two rowdy East Coast hockey powers doing battle in the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden.
Why You Can Skip It: It’s only Game 2, and you don’t get full-on playoff hockey drama until at least Game 5. Also, this is played at the ungodly hour of 9:30 in the AM. That’s no time for hockey. There will be other times to learn about the joys of spring hockey.
Beverage of Choice: OJ spiked with vodka. Get your morning OJ, but with a Russian/Scandinavian flair. The ratio you choose will determine how big of a hockey fan you really are.
Verdict: Check on it in the 3rd period. If things are tight down the stretch, it’ll be worth your time. But, unless you’re a true hockey head, save your energy for the days bigger events.
New York Yankees vs Boston Red Sox
Time: 10:35 AM
Why You Should Pay Attention: All signs point to it being a beautiful spring day, and there’s nothing quite like sitting back, with a cold brew and enjoying America’s pastime. It’s also arguably the most storied and bitter rivalry in all of sports, so, even though it’s only game 24 of 162, there’s always a chance for some playoff level intensity, and maybe even a bench clearing brawl. Fingers crossed!
Why You Can Skip It: Well, its May baseball. Even the most diehard baseball fans are still getting in the swing of the season. Plus, with a 10:35 AM first pitch, you’re either skipping one of the best parts of watching baseball, or you’re putting off some legitimate alcoholic tendencies.
Beverage of Choice: A light beer in an opaque plastic cup. Don’t let social norms ruin a good game. Just be discreet. People talk.
Verdict: Watch it in the background while you’re checking up on the draft on your phone, and getting preparing for the day’s bigger events. Multitasking!
Oregon Ducks Spring Game
Time: 11:00 AM
Why You Should Pay Attention: If you’re an Oregon Ducks fan, this is your first time to see a new crop of talent coming through the system. It was I the 2012 Spring Game that Marcus Mariota introduced himself to the Ducks faithful, and this year we get to get a glimpse of the guys who are competing for the monumental task of replacing the reigning Heisman Trophy winner. On top of that, this is real, actual football! It’ll be months before you get another glimpse. Soak it up!
Why You Can Skip It: The most obvious reason would be that you’re a Beaver, Husky or some other variation of not-a-Duck. The other reason is that it’s a glorified practice, where the leading contender to supplant Mariota at QB, Eastern Washington transfer Vernon Adams, isn’t even on campus yet. Sure, its football, but, it’s hardly anything to plan your day around, unless you’re the most die-hard of Ducks fans. And, even then, it’s not exactly Must See TV.
Beverage of Choice: Bloody Mary or Mimosa. Not only are they the only socially acceptable way to consume alcohol before noon, it’ll make you feel like you’re tailgating in the fall.
Verdict: DVR it. I’m not a big fan of tape-delayed sports, but, this game isn’t about the final score. Save it for the inevitable Sunday hangover.
The Kentucky Derby
Time: 3:34 PM
Why You Should Pay Attention: Big parties, full of mint juleps, ridiculous hats, and gambling on a sport you don’t know a thing about, all wrapped around one of the most historic sporting events in all the world! This is the perfect event to get your significant other to agree to get excited for, because even if you couldn’t care less about the race itself, who doesn’t like getting dressed up and whiskey drunk on a Saturday afternoon? Plus, even if you have the attention span of a 3-year old, the whole thing lasts a shade over 2 minutes, then it’s back to the party!
Why You Can Skip It: Well, if you don’t care about horse racing in the slightest, have an aversion to day drinking and/or gambling, and have anti-social tendencies, this might not be the event for you.
Beverage of Choice: Mint Julep, of course! Not only are they the official beverage of the Derby, they’re delicious and you get to drink them out of those fancy copper mugs. Talk about a win-win situation!
Verdict: Don’t just watch it, make your way to one of the many Kentucky Derby parties in your area! You just might realize that you’re a bigger horse racing fan than you ever knew.
San Antonio Spurs vs. Los Angeles Clippers, Game 7
Time: 5:00 PM
Why You Should Pay Attention: Because you are getting Game 7 of an NBA Finals worthy matchup in the First Round. The leagues two hottest teams down the stretch of the regular season got matched up in a gem of a series. You have Hall of Fame players all over the court, championship winning coaches on both sidelines, and some legitimately polarizing play by both teams. If you enjoy basketball even a little bit, this is about as good as it gets.
Why You Can Skip It: Honestly, I’m not quite sure. Maybe watching Chris Paul and the Clippers whine and cry at the refs all game drives you insane, and you are holding on to your decade old opinion that the Spurs are “boring”? That’s about it. (PS: Those aren’t particularly good reasons)
Beverage of Choice: You’re favorite local microbrew. It’s delicious, crafty, and expertly executed, just like this game is sure to be.
Verdict: Watch it! This is what being a sports fan is all about. This is going to be an epic game, and it is not to be missed, under any circumstances. Well, except for one problem. The ending could butt up against the final event on our list. Brutal choices may have to be made. (Is picture-in-picture still a thing?)
Portland Timbers vs Vancouver Whitecaps
Time: 7:30PM
Why You Have to Watch: Because it’s the Timbers and you live in Portland, aka Soccer City, USA. Even if you’re not “soccer guy” there’s something special about Providence Park when the Timbers are in action, and the Timbers Army gets going (aka “always”). On this night, the home team welcomes the Western Conference leading Vancouver Whitecaps to town, so you know the place is gonna be rocking!
Why You Can Skip It: Well, if you’re not in the building, it’s not quite the same. And, this hasn’t exactly been a banner start for Portland’s MLS squad. So, if you don’t have tickets to the game, no one is gonna fault you for taking a pass on this one in favor of some of the nights other marquee events.
Beverage of Choice: Beer. Any kind. Preferably from Portland, but, that’s not required. Whatever will get you singing at the top of your lungs will do.
Verdict: DVR it. It’s up to you if you peek at the score before you watch it or not. But, sorry Timber’s Army, I can’t justify skipping our last event for an early season match.
Welterweight Championship: Floyd Mayweather vs Manny Pacquaio
Time: sometime around 8:00 PM
Why You Should Pay Attention: Because this is one of the few times when calling something “The Fight of the Century” isn’t hyperbolic. This has been one of the most talked about sporting events for the past six years, even though it was only officially scheduled less than three months ago. Regardless of whether or not you like Floyd, Manny or boxing in general, or even have an opinion one way or another, this is the kind of spectacle that isn’t to be missed. If nothing else, how often do you get a chance to watch a man make $180 million for putting in an hour’s worth of work, as Mayweather is reportedly in line to pull in?
Why You Can Skip It: If you have a horrible aversion to fisticuffs, or if you simply hate Floyd “Money” Mayweather as a person or as an all-time great sports villain. That’s about it. Well, that, and if you go a little too hard on the Mint Juleps at that Derby party earlier I the day.
Beverage of Choice: Gotta go with the title sponsor. That’s right, Portland’s favorite hipster beer: Tecate. Nothing compliments a championship bout between an American and Filipino like the Mexican Budweiser!
Verdict: Are you insane? Watch it! Even if you don’t like boxing, just find a way to watch it. This will be something that will be talked about for years, and you don’t want to miss it. If you don’t want to fork over the $100 for the pay-per-view, just shoot the biggest sports nut you know around 7 and ask to tag along. You can thank me later.
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