I can’t lie about this, but I was a huge Fred Smoot fan when he first signed with the Vikings.
Yes, that Fred Smoot. The smug looking asshole that was probably one of the worst defensive signings by the Vikings in recent memory. The same guy who had the famous quote that “two thirds of the world is covered by water, the other third is covered by Fred Smoot”. It’s amazing that he actually knew that statistic, but when you think about it, it was probably more like he heard it once, thought it was hilarious, and then retained that as the only statistical memory ever. That, and the memory that Steve Smith caught like 250 yards on him in one game.
But no one knew any of that when he signed. When Fred Smoot signed he was the perfect compliment to Antoine Winfield and the Vikings were going to have the most dynamic defensive backfield in the NFL. He also wore number 27 briefly, and that is also the jersey that I still own, which may or may not have an extra couple of “O”s in the name. Embarrassing? You bet. Worth the money? Every cent of it. Let’s take a look back at Fred Smoot, just to make it all worth while.
The tale of Fred Smoot joining the Vikings is an odd one. I don’t know why us fans were all so excited for him to join our team. He was never really a ball hawk nor was he a huge tackling corner back for the Redskins before he joined the Vikings. I think Smoot joining the Vikings was a classic case of a team getting bamboozled by an outlandish personality. But hey, if I could get caught up in Smoot’s antics, why couldn’t the team?
Smoot fever ran high his first year, but it was pretty unwarranted. If I recall correctly, he had a neck injury throughout most of training camp as well as through the first half of the 2005 season, all of which made Smoot at best a delayed investment. When he finally did show up in 2005, he had two interceptions and 37 tackles in 11 total games played. Is that good? I don’t know. Probably not. All I know is that whenever Smoot made a tackle on the field there wasn’t a fan in the Metrodome who could resist yelling:
Smmmoooooooooooooooooooooooott!
It’s so he knew we were cheering for him!
I’ll always remember during the halcyon days of Fred Smoot as a Viking when KFAN (I think it was Common Man or Barrerio … I don’t recall exactly nor really care) used to play that old Drop it Like It’s Hot song by Snoop Dogg, and everyone would walk around doing the Smoot chant thinking it was hilarious. Of course, it got old real quickly, much like Smoot’s Vikings career.
However, nothing that Smoot did (or didn’t do, for that matter) would top his antics on the love boat, and along with that, the notorious proprietor of the double donged dildo. Without Smoot, I may not have had such an item explode into my everyday lexicon. Seriously, where would we be without Smoot and the Love Boat? How many dick jokes would be said? How many strippers would have to use solo dildos at once? Smoot was both a comedic genius and an entrepreneur. Of course, I talk about him like he’s dead because he obviously is to me.
When he was traded, or released, or whatever back to the Redskins, it was kind of humorous. He talked about feeling like he was back home and comfortable again. That may be the case, but if I recall my Redskins depth chart, he eventually became the third string cornerback there and I believe now is a free agent. So what is he up to know? Why, living the dream of course; building Waffle Houses in the DC area.
A true gentleman, and perhaps one of my favorite all time Vikings. Fred Smoot, everyone.
/applause
//suprisebuttsecks
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