Visanthe at the Movies

Movie buff and Minnesota Vikings Visanthe Shiancoe recently attended a screening of the newest pop cultural phenomenon, Watchmen, and we asked him to share his review with us…

The comic book genre has taken the world by storm in recent years, as blockbusters like Spider-Man, Batman and 300 have brought in high profits world wide and forced movie producers to tease the subject as a legitimate money maker the breaks audience stereotypes and genre boundaries. Once considered to be interesting solely to prepubescent children, the comic book film continues to develop into a pinnacle of cinema with each new release of a heart racing Dark Knight or the visual acuity that was 300. Today, we find ourselves using super hero films as a measuring stick when trying to grasp film character development, story arch, or cinematography. In a short time, the comic genre has transformed from Little Smokie to Summer Sausage.

The newest insertion into this genre, Watchmen, does what similar genre films before it have; provides deep character analysis, a wide girth storyline, stimulating social commentary, and stunning visuals. Most importantly, it continues to raise the bar and provide another shining example of how comic films, and really all films, should be fully presented. Highlights include the realistic characters that are never overtly stated to have any super powers, the tragic back stories and down falls of many of the main characters idols and selves, several unique takes on society, stunning camera movements, visual creativity and the entire stories grandiose scope.

Yet, the film has produced some critics, including myself. While many complain of the film’s narrative length and its necessary straying from some of the source material, I found that the films biggest flaw was also one of its most talked about; namely the huge computerized blue wang bone. (More MNSFW)

Granted, most of the complaints come from parents who were ill prepared to present their virgin child’s eyes to a massive blue cock on screen for two and a half hours. In reality, the penis is offered in fleeting glimpses throughout that time. The inclusion of said genitalia also provides an understated development within the character that bears it. Going from a fully clothed and scientific mind to a disconnected uber-God that loses touch with humanity, the stunning horse dick visually alerts the viewer that this character is slowly revealing his self to all and removing his self from society’s norms and expectations.

While I applaud the director for not shying away from presenting a wiener to the audience, I do believe that his ultimate vision was choked by the distributors, who were most likely afraid of a proverbial snake in the bush. Listen, movie producers, it’s not as if man meat has never been seen over live television or anything before. Most would agree that while you whack our wallets for the cost of entrance at an R rated movie, you may as well adhere to the director’s total vision and let him show more widow makers on the screen. Doing so would not have been for grotesque visual or shock value, instead it would have provided a starker and fuller realization of self for the character, one that any man who has been caught with his towel down could relate to.

Is this fault in the film something that should be held against the director? No, of course not. And these reviews are not solely directorial reviews, but rather examinations of an entire production, from actor, to director, to producer and distributor. These are opinions that need to be let out, played with a bit, and put to rest. Does this misfire lead to a premature ending of the viewing for me as it has done with others? No. Gladly, I stayed until the end and discovered that the final cinematic payload was worth the narrative scrutiny, despite the proper use of baby arms. Overall, on my scale of 1 – 10 dicks, I gave this film 8.5 dicks, with the half being a testicle grab. Watchmen is highly recommended for all viewers and is a fantastic installment in a burgeoning film genre.