Warcraft Wednesday: Getting Your Ass Broke

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Everyone’s favorite Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe took to the Twitter-sphere this week to share his thoughts on what eventually led to the Vikings putting Cullen Loeffler on injured reserve, and the signing of something called a Matt Katula to take over for long snapping duties. The reason for all of this is in the video you see above where, if you pay REAL CLOSE attention, you’ll notice Loeffler getting blind sided by a Falcon.

See it? Here, let’s slow it down for you, thanks to The Viking Age:

Do you think Kluwe yelled “BOOM, HEADSHOT!” when it happened? His reaction to the hits makes me think he probably didn’t. Kluwe had these thoughts to share on the hit laid by Falcon wide receiver Kerry Meier:

And honestly? What’s a Kerry Meier? Wasn’t he the Colts quarterback to start the year with Peyton on injured reserve? Or am I thinking of some other stupid, blond white guy that pretended to play quarterback? It doesn’t matter, because the most damming thing is that I’m thinking of these no-namers instead of being like, “Oh yeah, that shit head on the Falcons that broke something in Cullen Loeffler’s ass.”

Now, everyone who has seen this and shook their fist about it seems pretty clear that, yes, the hit was legal but, no, it wasn’t entirely necessary. The angle is shit, but Loeffler is many furlongs away from the actual ball carrier and was in no danger of tackling him. I mean, he likely isn’t in much danger of tackling a kick returner at any point, anyway. He’s like Kluwe in that regard, amirite?!! But still, why didn’t Meier go for Xavier Adibi (number 57 in the picture), who looks like he was right next to Loeffler? Did he know he’d get his ass broke himself if he went up against that brick shit house in Adibi? That puss Meier probably has this same thing coming back to him.

Anyway, Kluwe got pissed, Sullen Cullen is now a great nickname for our favorite long snapper, and Jared Allen had to long snap for the rest of the game. Do you think he was happy about that? Well, this pretty much answers that:

Punch yo’ dick, foo’. Allen out.