What if the Angels traded Mike Trout?

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Step away from the ledge. Seriously. The Los Angeles Angels are not going to trade Mike Trout. We all know that. Other teams know that. However, what if they did? What kind of package(s) of prospects, players, and other stuff would teams be willing to give up in exchange for the best player in baseball? Trout is currently on pace to be the best player 24-or-younger in MLB history… and he hasn’t even played his Age 24 season yet! Teams would want them a slice of that New Jersey pie if the Angels put him on the trade block. We’re going to go team-by-team and evaluate what they’d probably have to give up in order to get his services. But, bear in mind, the Angels would never do this.

Arizona Diamondbacks: Okay, let’s operate under the assumption that they wouldn’t deal Paul Goldschmidt simply because it’d make no sense for them. They’d want to pair Trout and Goldschmidt together. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’d be amazing. But that does mean that a guy like A.J. Pollock becomes expendable since he and Trout play the same position. Trout’s also younger and way better. There are other pieces that the Arizona Diamondbacks could give up, as well. Ultimately, the deal would fall short of acceptable but it’d be a decent package. Trade: Mike Trout for A.J. Pollock, Jake Lamb, Archie Bradley, Braden Shipley, Dansby Swanson (as a PTBNL), and Chase Field’s retractable roof.

Atlanta Braves:  This is a really tough situation to acquire talent from. Not to be mean about it, but the Braves have a whole lot of nothin’ going on. First off, the Angels do have a need for a shortstop going down the line. While Erick Aybar is serviceable right now, he’s due $8.5 million next season and will be 32 years old. In steps Andrelton Simmons. Simmons is the premier defensive shortstop in the game and his offense has improved over last year’s numbers. Ultimately, there’s not much else to take from Atlanta, though. Angels would say no. Trade: Mike Trout for Andrelton Simmons, Shelby Miller, Jose Peraza, Touki Toussaint, Matt Wisler, Kolby Allard (as a PTBNL), and all the gold medals from the 1996 Atlanta Olympics.

Baltimore Orioles: When these two teams exchange the initial call about Trout, you can best believe that Manny Machado‘s name is also being brought up. That’s not to say that the Orioles would deal him in the trade, but he’d be discussed heavily. Outside of him, there’s Adam Jones. As a reminder, there was that one general manager who did say he’d rather have Jones over Trout so, you know, that’s a thing apparently. I hope the Orioles are ready because they’re giving up the farm for Trout in this deal. Quite literally, in fact. Trade: Mike Trout for Adam Jones, Dylan Bundy, Hunter Harvey, Chance Sisco, Mychal Givens, Dariel Alvarez, D.J. Stewart (as a PTBNL), and some famous Baltimore crab cakes.

Boston Red Sox: The Angels hang up. Immediately. Alright, I’m kidding. We get it, we hate Boston. Or whatever. I have a feeling that the Red Sox would do anything to get someone like Trout to patrol their spacious center field for the next decade-plus. In that case, welcome to The Purge (Prospects and Players). There’s no way the Angels walk out of this deal with anything short of two young and capable Major League players plus a few prospects. They’d get Mookie Betts for sure and also probably Xander Bogaerts. After that? Well .. Trade: Mike Trout for Mookie Betts, Xander Bogaerts, Yoan Moncada, Henry Owens, Rafael Devers, and the rights to host a Boston Tea Party once every six years.

Chicago Cubs: Before we start, let’s say this right now. There’s no way the Angels are getting Kris Bryant in this deal. The Cubs wouldn’t deal him and I’m sure the Angels would want him in it so much to the point that they’d reject any deal without him. Unless, of course, the Cubs gave the Angels a Godfather type offer that they simply couldn’t refuse. There is a lot to love within the Cubs organization in terms of both MLB ready talent and prospects. Outside of two other teams, this is probably the best bet for the Angels to strike it rich. Trade: Mike Trout for Jorge Soler, Addison Russell, Kyle Schwarber, C.J. Edwards, Albert Almora, Gleyber Torres, Billy McKinney, and all the corn in Iowa (delivered by their AAA affiliate).

Chicago White Sox: Is it mean to say that Mike Trout could actually save the White Sox franchise since no one else can seem to do it? That’s not a slanderous remark since the White Sox have talent up top but their middle-of-the-pack guys are so bad. This Chicago team is a barren wasteland of usable talent while the other Chicago team actually has a future. But Mike Trout can make you have a future and turn you into instant contenders. Let’s, for the sake of argument, say they don’t get Chris Sale and/or Jose Abreu from the White Sox. In that case .. Trade: Mike Trout for Carlos Rodon, Adam Eaton, Tim Anderson, Francelis Montas, Micah Johnson, Carson Fulmer (as a PTBNL), and the admittance by them that Doug Eddings screwed the Angels over in 2005.

Cincinnati Reds: In the interest of fairness, the Angels won’t request back Todd Frazier from the Reds simply because the Angels understand that it’d be awesome to see the baseball version of the Jersey Boys played out on a field for 162 times a year. Can’t disrupt that kind of greatness, ya know? Instead, the Angels do get quite a few pieces back, including Billy Hamilton. If Hamilton could actually hit for any statistical value at all, he might be a top five all-around player. But he doesn’t and isn’t. Yet he’s still valuable. Time for the Reds to pay up. Trade: Mike Trout for Billy Hamilton, Zack Cozart, Tony Cingrani, Robert Stephenson, Jesse Winker, Amir Garrett, Yorman Rodriguez, Tyler Stephenson (as a PTBNL), and all the water from the Ohio River to end the California drought.

Cleveland Indians: Don’t worry, Cleveland. The Angels aren’t going to take Jason Kipnis or Corey Kluber from you. You have nothing to worry about as far as they’re concerned. They do have a budding breakout player at shortstop in Francisco Lindor, as well as a solid pitching prospect who has spent a couple years in the Majors already; Trevor Bauer. Those two would be the foundation of the deal. But what else could the Indians offer? Well, it’s a tad tricky. They definitely have talent elsewhere but likely wouldn’t deal it. So, prospects it is. Trade: Mike Trout for Francisco Lindor, Trevor Bauer, Zach McAllister, Clint Frazier, Bradley Zimmer, Justus Sheffield, Brady Aiken (as a PTBNL), and free lifetime passes to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Colorado Rockies: Hello, darkness, my old friend. I have no idea what the hell that’s supposed to mean right now but don’t worry about it. Go along with the punches here. If the Angels were to trade Trout, it’s unlikely they’d want high-priced guys back. So that automatically rules out Troy Tulowitzki here. It also kills any chance of Colorado moving Carlos Gonzalez and Jorge De La Rosa. Ultimately, I think that leaves the Angels grabbing two “now” guys from the Rockies and going from there. This could be a fun deal for both sides. Trade: Mike Trout for Nolan Arenado, Charlie Blackmon, Jon Gray, Kyle Freeland, Brendan Rogers (as a PTBNL), and some of that glorious Rocky Mountain snow to fall in Southern California.

Detroit Tigers: The team from the Motor City did this to themselves, in all honesty. They traded guys for a “win now” product but then let good talent leave – i.e. Max Scherzer – in order to continue paying bad talent. They also dealt Prince Fielder in that deal a couple years ago and are kind of missing his production. Welcome to hell, Tigers. Prepare to start paying up. The issue is that Detroit’s farm system is bad and they lack the capable players to send back to the Angels. This gets a tad tricky so we’re just going to have to wing it on this one. Trade: Mike Trout for Yoenis Cespedes, J.D. Martinez, Jose Iglesias, Buck Farmer, Beau Burrows (as a PTBNL), and three of the Red Wings eleven Stanley Cup trophies shipped to the Ducks.

Houston Astros: You can bet your bottom dollar that these two would never do this trade that’s about to be proposed but, boy oh boy, it would be fun. These two squads seem poised to do battle over the AL West until the end of the season and it’s no secret that the Astros have an ideal amount of young talent to send back to the Angels in exchange for Trout Jesus. This is the second of three teams the Angels could get a huge haul from, and it all starts with Carlos Correa and George Springer. From there, it gets real fun. So let’s do this. Trade: Mike Trout for Carlos Correa, George Springer, Lance McCullers, Colin Moran, Alex Bregman (as a PTBNL), Kyle Tucker (as a PTBNL), Daz Cameron (as a PTNBL), and Orbit to appear at Angels home games for ten years.

Kansas City Royals: I know, you threw up a little bit. I did too. The idea of Mike Trout on the Royals is one that induces vomit. But, just perhaps, Kansas City might pay up for his services since his only career postseason home run came in their ballpark. History! They want it! The upside for the Royals in this deal is that they don’t have to actually play Alex Rios anymore. However, they do have to pay through the nose just to acquire the services of Trout. And it starts with Yordano Ventura. Yes, he’s struggled this year but he still has tons of potential. Trade: Mike Trout for Yordano Ventura, Kelvin Herrera, Salvador Perez, Raul Mondesi Jr., Bubba Starling, Kyle Zimmer, Seuly Matias, and the admittance that they took steroids in the 2014 ALDS.

Los Angeles Dodgers: Oh, hello there, fellow I-5 brethren. This is probably the team best suited to pay the Angels for Mike Trout. They’re the third of the three best teams to give nearly adequate talent for him and they do make a lot of sense. We’re not supposed to like the Dodgers, or their players, but there is A LOT to like there. It all starts with Yasiel Puig and then rolls along from there. The Angels would likely also get at least two more “ready now” guys like Justin Turner and Yasmani Grandal. After those three, though? It’s prospect time. Trade: Mike Trout for Yasiel Puig, Justin Turner, Yasmani Grandal, Corey Seager, Julio Urias, Grant Holmes, Yadier Alvarez, Starling Heredia, and Vin Scully’s soothing voice.

Miami Marlins: If the Angels really wanted to be mean to Mike, they could send him all the way to Miami and act like he doesn’t exist anymore. Is there no worse fate for a player these days then to head to South Florida? I feel bad for them. I’m resisting the urge to demand the likes of Giancarlo Stanton and Jose Fernandez from the Marlins, but everyone else is fair game. That’s how this works. Angels do need a little bit better second baseman going forward and Dee Gordon fits that bill really well. A youngish outfielder like Christian Yelich would also help. So would prospects. Trade: Mike Trout for Dee Gordon, Christian Yelich, A.J. Ramos, J.T. Realmuto, Tyler Kolek, Josh Naylor (as a PTBNL), and Will Smith to record a new hit single called “Anaheim.”

Milwaukee Brewers: I hope the Brewers are fully aware that the Angels would definitely be getting Carlos Gomez back in this deal. After him, the other likely guy to be moved would be Jonathan Lucroy. After those two, though, it’s pretty devoid of actual talent that the Angels would prefer to get in return for Trout. Prospects, as always, will help make up some of the ground but there’s really not much out there to excite Los Angeles. These two sides wouldn’t be able to come to an agreement but we’ll try to make it happen anyways. Trade: Mike Trout for Carlos Gomez, Jonathan Lucroy, Jean Segura, Orlando Arcia, Clint Coulter, Kodi Medeiros, Trent Clark (as a PTBNL), and free beer for the next decade to cope with losing Trout.

Minnesota Twins: In all fairness, the Twins would probably be the fourth best option for a trade partner if the Angels were seriously considering unloading Trout and trying to get back a sizable return. They have some guys who are ready now and some who are good-to-great prospects. The two guys who immediately jump off the page are Byron Buxton and Miguel Sano. They’re young, good, and could play from day one in the big leagues for the Halos. The immediate return on the guys acquired won’t be great but the longterm value could be in this deal. Trade: Mike Trout for Byron Buxton, Miguel Sano, Alex Meyer, Jose Berrios, Nick Gordon, Jorge Polanco, Tyler Jay (as a PTBNL), and a 24-hour shopping spree at Mall of America.

New York Mets: There’s just not much that’s enticing about the Mets franchise other than a few guys here and there. And even that’s pushing it. The two main guys that I think the Angels could actually pry away from Gotham are Jacob deGrom and  Noah Syndergaard. Mets would also throw in Juan Lagares simply because they wouldn’t need his services anymore. I mean, they are getting Mike Trout after all. The Mets end up giving the Angels a few prospects to close the sizable gap that’s evident and the two sides could, kinda, maybe strike a deal here. Trade: Mike Trout for Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard, Juan Lagares, Travis d’Arnaud, Steven Matz, Michael Conforto, Akeel Morris, and the admittance from Matt Harvey that he should have signed with the Angels out of high school.

New York Yankees: Take it easy, Yankees fans. You’re not getting Mike Trout THAT easily. If Trout did play in that shoebox masquerading as an actual stadium, he’d probably hit close to 75 HR in a season at least once. That stadium was made for his swing. The Yankees will be made to pay with the likes of Dellin Betances as the main pitching headliner among current big league players. The Angels could use him and the Yankees could afford to let him go since, well, they’re getting the best player in the game. The rest is tricky but let’s try to piece it together. Trade: Mike Trout for Dellin Betances, Luis Severino, Aaron Judge, Jorge Mateo, Rob Refsnyder, Ian Clarkin, Gary Sanchez, James Kaprielian (as a PTBNL), and they have to give the 2009 World Series trophy to the Angels.

Oakland Athletics: Out of all the places to send Mike Trout, this would probably be the one that stings the most considering the longstanding rivalry between these two teams. As far as actual usable position player talent at the Major League level, the Athletics seem to be suffering. There’s no real talent there that the Angels would even jump at. Instead, they’d have to look at the pitching talent already up and the organizational depth in the minors. For now, this deal will start with Sonny Gray and progress from there. Trade: Mike Trout for Sonny Gray, Sean Doolittle, Matt Olson, Franklin Barreto, Matt Chapman, Renato Nunez, and Billy Beane but only if it’s Brad Pitt instead.

Philadelphia Phillies: Mike Trout is a Phillies fan. Phillies fans would love to have him. Who wouldn’t? There’s a major problem, though. The Phillies suck. And their players suck. And their prospects kinda suck. At least after the first couple. That makes finding the pieces adequate enough to take back nearly impossible. Because of that, a lot of quantity is needed. Some MLB talent the Angels could take back might be Ken Giles, Maikel Franco, and, I guess, that’s it? Everything else is just prospects. This is tough. Angels wouldn’t even answer the Phllies phone call. Trade: Mike Trout for Ken Giles, Maikel Franco, Jake Diekman, J.P. Crawford, Aaron Nola, Roman Quinn, Ben Lively, Cornelius Randolph (as a PTBNL), and a lifetime supply of cheesesteaks.

Pittsburgh Pirates: The easy trade idea here with the Pirates is to basically get Andrew McCutchen from them and just fill in with other pieces. However, I doubt the Pirates would want to have Trout and not have McCutchen to play with him. They could be a dominant duo and one worth trying to make happen. In that instance, you have to go with other talent. So let’s get nutty. Pirates give up Starling Marte because, well, they can. Throw in Josh Harrison and Jung Ho Kang, as well. From there, we go digging for prospect gold. And there are some high quality pieces. Trade: Mike Trout for Starling Marte, Josh Harrison, Jung Ho Kang, Tyler Glasnow, Jameson Taillon, Josh Bell, Austin Meadows, and Andrew McCutchen’s dreadlocks that he hastily discarded.

San Diego Padres: Is it safe to say the Padres were one of the “it” teams going into this season? Seems like they were. People picked them to be better than they are but they’re still struggling. They gutted their farm system to acquire good-to-great talent only to have them mesh awkwardly or get saddled with injuries. So here we are. A team that has nearly nothing to trade and trying to find something that would interest the Angels. I guess guys like Tyson Ross, Corey Spangenberg, and Wil Myers would make some sense. After that, we scramble to find people worth a damn. Trade: Mike Trout for Tyson Ross, Wil Myers, Corey Spangenberg, Austin Hedges, Michael Gettys, Hunter Renfroe, Rymer Liriano, Jose Rondon, and some sand to fill up the CF bleacher section so people can sit there on a nice Sunday and tan.

San Francisco Giants: If they want to reclaim their Even Year Magic, the Giants might want to swing a deal for the best player in baseball. While the Angels won’t be able to snag Buster Posey from the Bay Area squad, they could do well to acquire players like Joe Panik, Matt Duffy, and Andrew Susac. It’d give the team three youngish players in positions of need and also allow them to nab some prospects along the way. As usual, the Giants have a slew of good arms in the minors and the Angels would get quite a few of them. Trade: Mike Trout for Joe Panik, Matt Duffy, Andrew Susac, Kyle Crick, Keury Mella, Tyler Beede, Mac Williamson, Phil Bickford (as a PTBNL), Chris Shaw (as a PTBNL), and the giant glove in LF to replace the $1,000,000 Frazee paint can in LCF at Angel Stadium.

Seattle Mariners: They have no chance in hell of ever acquiring Mike Trout but we gotta be fair. They have some interesting talent that could be enticing to the Angels but the Mariners lack the overall quality and quantity to make themselves players. But, alas, we have to do our due diligence in this. One of the guys the Angels would gladly take from them is Kyle Seager. It fills a need for them at third base. Another would be Taijuan Walker, who has top-of-the-rotation potential. You could even throw Mike Zunino in here. Despite his struggles, he still has value and potential. Trade: Mike Trout for Kyle Seager, Taijuan Walker, Mike Zunino, Alex Jackson, D.J. Peterson, Ketel Marte, Edwin Diaz, Austin Wilson, and 10% ownership stake in the Starbucks franchise.

St. Louis Cardinals: The “best fans in baseball” would do backflips if they could watch Mike Trout play on their team 162 times a year. In fact, they’d actually probably murder people to make it happen. They essentially do that now so it’s not like it’s a big step up in violence for them. Anyways, the Angels would poach Kolten Wong, Randal Grichuk, and Carlos Martinez from the Cardinals because, well, Mike Trout is better than all three combined. Duh. The prospects used in the deal would be of some value to the Angels but I don’t think the Angels would ever do this trade. Trade: Mike Trout for Kolten Wong, Randal Grichuk, Carlos Martinez, Stephen Piscotty, Marco Gonzales, Alex Reyes, Nick Plummer (as a PTBNL), and the Gateway Arch to greet fans as they drive into the Angel Stadium parking lot.

Tampa Bay Rays: If the Rays could trade for Mike Trout without actually paying him any money, they’d do it. They hate spending but I get it. Their stadium is the type of place that’s likely to host the real life aftermath of the zombie apocalypse. I’m pretty sure they filmed parts of “Mad Max: Fury Road” there, actually. In terms of actual players, the Angels would want back someone like Kevin Kiermaier. If he could hit, he’d be a stud. But he can’t. He’s still a phenomenal defender, though. What else can they get? Unsure but I feel like Jake McGee could be a good candidate. Trade: Mike Trout for Kevin Kiermaier, Jake McGee, Matt Moore, Willy Adames, Steven Souza, Daniel Robertson, Justin O’Conner, Taylor Guerrieri, Garrett Whitley (as a PTBNL), and the ray tank in RCF. It’ll be placed in CF with the sand from the Padres.

Texas Rangers: I hope the Rangers are ready to pay through the teeth to get Mike Trout. It’s going to take quite a bit and that’s counting both prospects and “ready now” guys. Division rivals rarely get solid deals on great players in trades. They have to be fleeced, in some sense, because the team who traded the guy has to then face him over and over until they bash their brains in. Texas starts the deal off with three guys: Rougned Odor, Leonys Martin, and Delino DeShields, Jr. It gets dicey after that but prospects are on their way and Joey Gallo leads the list. Trade: Mike Trout for Rougned Odor, Leonys Martin, Delino DeShields Jr., Joey Gallo, Jorge Alfaro, Nomar Mazara, Nick Williams, Dillon Tate (as a PTBNL), Michael Matuella (as a PTBNL), and the Rangers have to foot the bill on the $68 million that the Angels were going to pay in the Josh Hamilton trade.

Toronto Blue Jays: Oh, hello Canada! The Blue Jays have a couple young guys already up in the Majors but still have a solid farm system intact that could ultimately interest the Angels in pursuing some kind of deal. Because of Trout heading north of the border, Kevin Pillar heads to the Angels in the deal. So would Devon Travis, who is young and gives the team a starting second baseman for a while. Angels also take reliever Roberto Osuna. Other name to watch? Aaron Sanchez. Without further ado, here’s the trade Toronto MIGHT be able to make. Trade: Mike Trout for Kevin Pillar, Devon Travis, Roberto Osuna, Aaron Sanchez, Daniel Norris, Dalton Pompey, Max Pentecost, Miguel Castro, Jon Harris (as a PTBNL), and the CN Tower to replace the Big A in the parking lot so that when the Angels win, the CN Tower lights up even brighter than the A did.

Washington Nationals: We’re finally at the end. I apologize for it taking so long but it was fun, right? (Okay, it wasn’t. I apologize.) First things first, the Nationals are not – I repeat, NOT – trading Bryce Harper in this deal. At all. If anything, they’d exclude him just for the sake of having these two together for years. But everyone else is in play and the Nationals boast some really good players elsewhere. And that includes two of my favorite prospects, Lucas Giolito and Trea Turner. If not for injury issues, Giolito would have gone #1 a few years ago. Turner should have gone higher in his draft, as well. But let’s get to the meat and potatoes. Trade: Mike Trout for Anthony Rendon, Stephen Strasburg, Lucas Giolito, Trea Turner, Joe Ross, Wilmer Difo, and the Presidential mascots must run races in Angel Stadium for the next ten years.

So, there you have it. 29 teams proposing deals to the Angels in an effort to pry away the best player in baseball. The Angels would glance at a lot of these deals and laugh. However, with some, they’d give deep consideration to doing. Yet, at the end of the day, Mike Trout is Mike Trout and you don’t trade the best player in baseball for players that you hope can duplicate his production and fanfare as a collective unit. One is greater than the whole. Trout means a lot more to the Angels than he does to anyone else. So he’s here to stay. For a long, long time. Can the teams still trade that other stuff to the Angels, though? We’ll give them our gas prices in return.

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