What’s the worst that could happen? The Stroupinator envisions John Canzano’s take on September 4th

[Editor’s note: It’s a deft parody but Duck fans hope it to be a flawed vision: Robert “Stroupinator” Stroup mows down the media opposition with this dead-on mimicry of John Canzano, writing in the aftermath of a Titanic disaster in Dallas:]

“Win the Fail”

By John Clownzano

Oregon failed to beat LSU not because of talent.  They didn’t fail because of lack of hard work.  And Oregon didn’t fail because of Coach Chip Kelly’s lack of innovation or because the new infusion of talent failed to live up to expectations.

No, Oregon failed because of the off season.

This game was determined well in advance.  We can lie to ourselves and say differently.  We can say that LSU’s transgressions off the field caused the Ducks to get smug and overcome with a sense of entitlement.   But we know differently.  We know that this isn’t a team that lets the small things get to them easily.  This is a resilient bunch.  And lord knows they tried to treat the offseason altercations as though they were small.

But they weren’t small.  They were enormous.  They were troubling. 

I know many of you will point to my earlier prediction of the Ducks going undefeated and returning to the national championship game.  You will say that I too am a bandwagon fan; that I react too quickly to the news.  And you may be right.  I want to see the Ducks do well. 

But I also want to see them do well by doing it the right way.  And as things stand now, that’s purely implausible.  There is something that lingers, that reeks, and it’s carrying over to their performance now.  This is growing out of hand, too.  The fans are becoming aggressive, the program is clamming up and finally, the expected excellence is unraveling.  Fast. 

This might just be the end before something special ever had a chance to arrive.

It’s too bad too.  I wanted the SEC fans to stop being so obnoxious.  But perhaps they have a right to be obnoxious.  They’ve won nearly every big game they’ve been in this past decade and their talent gaps along the offensive and defensive lines aren’t closing with the rest of the nation.  They’re just simply the best, and we should admit that. 

As for Oregon?  If they’d won this game, it is possible recruits would have something to balance out Oregon’s past wrongdoings in their selection processes.  But even then, that counterweight would seem mighty light compared to looming sanctions.  Now, the odds of bulk –w hat Oregon truly needs – arriving in Eugene is far worse than what it was before.  And Oregon only has itself to blame for this untimely mess.

And don’t look now Duck fans, but what looked like a smooth ride a couple of days ago now has bumps in the road.  Washington looks good.  Stanford too.  And the conference might not be so weak after all.  And with the defensive line already banged up after LSU, and no established lineup of receivers, six losses are possible here. 

Willie Lyles.  That name lingers.  It shouldn’t have, but it does.  If the Ducks had come clean earlier, it’s entirely possible that a game like this could’ve been won.  But now?  We’ll just have to see how far Lyles permeates into the season.  This much we know now: Oregon is letting him, and that’s no good sign.

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