Where We Try to Guess What a FAKE Jared Allen’s Cologne Smells Like

THIS IS FAKE, OK, DON'T SUE US!

I mean, I'm assuming it's fake. It's an image that was shared on social site Reddit onto their "NFL Jokes" page, so I'm assuming it's just a joke, that nothing I write here should be taken seriously, and that this is in NO WAY endorsed by Jared Allen, or anyone even remotely associated with him. Deal?

But just for like, one minute … Let's pretend this Jared Allen cologne WAS real. What do you think it would smell like?

Now, again, I just want to make it perfectly clear that we're not saying that Jared Allen in fact DOES smell like this, or even that he has a cologne that smells like this, or anything of the sort. I'm just wonder, if Jared Allen or a similar type of human and/or football player who shared a history, physical features, interests, and team had a cologne for themselves, what would that cologne actually, you know, smell like? Here's our guesses:

– Sun baked leather and cattle ranches

– Aaron Rodgers crotch and field turf burns

– Whisky stains and American flags

– Sweaty mullets and mildewy jock straps

– Reverse sex positions and lubricants

– Vanilla bean and cinnamon

I'm probably joking on that last one, but who knows? Maybe an athlete in this situation would just want their "fragrance" to smell like their favorite scent? Maybe one their mom used in their own home, or the smell of grandma's chocolate chip cookies? Wouldn't that be swell?

I doubt that would be the case here, IF ANY OF THIS WERE REAL AT ALL WHICH IT ISN'T, but it's fun to dream.

So what are your suggestions?