Originally posted on “Is It Sports?” This was our first live game log where we talked on instant messenger during the game and then posted our comments together. I (Steve) is in black, Ryan is in Red. I focused my anger mostly on Jon Garland, who wound up having a great season, and Ryan really hates Hawk and DJ. One thing to keep in mind about some of the comments that the Sox announcers made weren’t too far off. Remember that this team went on to win the World Series with dominant playoff pitching. Ryan eventually gave up and watched Cops and drank (Ryan: Is this the night that Easter took all of your “hoochies,” that you liked to “holla” at?). And yeah, this brought back bad memories for me of Boiler Blast, maybe the worst thing I was ever involved with.
Being diehard White Sox and Twins fans, we decided that a Sports Guy-esque running log of the first game between them of the year was in order. Unfortunately, the game was on WCIU, (which you can’t get at Purdue) which has the greatest lineup of shows of all time. It stands for Chicago’s 1st UHF station. Ryan and I decided the other day that it should be called the WUIC for UnIntentional Comedy. So anyway, here’s our first log.
6:27 – Waking up from a 3 hour nap, the Sox are already up 2-0! Why was I taking this nap you ask? Well this morning I had to participate in the “Boiler Blast” for my fraternity, where, hence the name, I had a “Blast” picking up trash at Happy Hollow Park, which is about 3 miles from campus. Our team leader told us that just picking up trash on the way back from the park wasn’t enough, so she made us walk all over the place looking for cigarette butts and then she told us that she gets PAID by the Boiler VOLUNTEER Network for us to be doing this….shady. So anyways I’m awake, firing up Comcast Sports (where Bulls games our blacked out here…stupid Indiana) and ready to watch some baseball.
6:33 – I just found out that the Sox scored their 2 runs off the first homer of the season by Crazy Carl Everett (his legal name now). After a great spring, he made for a great post-draft free agent pickup in my fantasy league…but he still doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.
6:37 – ahh crap Garland is pitching for the Sox. Let’s see, the Twins can’t hit Buehrle well, so let’s pitch our shaky 5th starter and let them wait for Buehrle tomorrow and miss out on Freddy Garcia!
6:44 – Uribe grounds out on a play 98% of shortstops beat out. Uh oh, I was right about that deep dish pizza
6:47 – Podsednik and Iguchi actually deliver to put runners on first and third! So this is how small ball is played…
6:52 – Nick Punto….saying his name creeps me out. His name just sounds like some European language’s slang for a woman’s private region.
6:57 – Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson: “And Punto had a brain cramp!” Better than a menstrual cramp I guess
7:04 – Freddy Garcia and Shingo Takatsu commercial: “Jalapeño or Wasabi? Either way you’re going to get burned.” Kind of dorky, but I kind of like it. I loved the commercial they had last year with Takatsu and Paul Konerko. Konerko is talking all about team unity and all of the sudden Shingo comes out and asks some question in Japanese and Konerko answers it in English without missing a beat and Shingo finds his glove with a big fake smile on his face. Priceless.
7:07 – I could be wrong, but I think Matt LeCroy was my high school shop teacher.
7:11 – I just took a few minutes to explain the intricacies of The Hawk to Ryan. When I mentioned his home run call, he said, “heard it already today…. dammit.” Hopefully we’ll be hearing it some more. I really would love to see the Hawk make the Hall of Fame for broadcasting one day. He’s filled with entertaining anecdotes, knows the game well, not afraid to rip the team when they’re down, and invented his own half golf, half obscure language about baseball. Just thought I’d give my opinion because I know Ryan is.
7:12 – Uribe flies out deep to left. I think more deep dish would have helped. It’s either one or the other Juan, you decide.
7:17 – I bench Lew Ford on my fantasy team, and he now has 2 hits. Woo-hoo! But I had to play him instead of Everett (3 RBI already), Andruw Jones, Adam Dunn (playing in Houston), and Burnitz (playing the Brewers) so I’m not too worried.
7:25 – Well we got a tied game now. Please see my 6:37 entry.
7:32 – Still too angry at Garland to type anything.
7:35 – Boxing commercial – Andrew Golota vs. Indiana Brewster. Indiana Brewster? Does he have red pig tails and steal religious artifacts?
7:37 – After that last hit, LeCroy just asked the first base coach, “I made it to first base, where’s the keg?”
7:39 – Seriously, why couldn’t the game be on TV yesterday so I could have done this running log with a better than AA pitcher on the mound for the Sox?
7:42 – Ryan: defribullator?
Ryan: how do you spell that?
Steve: one L?
Steve: I’m guessing you’re talking about LeCroy
7:44 – Are we sure that Michael Cuddyer and Joe Crede weren’t separated at birth?
7:46 – Timo Perez puts the Sox in the lead with a shot over the baggy! Crap, any minute now I’m going to wake up and this computer file won’t exist.
7:51 – I just sarcastically asked my roommate Jimmy if he had Timo Perez on his fantasy team, which he has been checking religiously all week this week and, knowing him, will completely forget about by Mid-May.
7:53 – Oh that sucks for Radke coming out right now. All he has to do is stay in there a little longer and Garland will surely put him back in the win column.
7:55 – Uribe throws his bat in the Twins dugout…no one is hurt. Crap, now the Sox have to resort to the home run derby car bomb to get their first pennant in 46 years.
7:58 – Uribe regroups and blasts the ball past Punto and puts the Sox ahead 5-3. Excellent.
8:00 – The Sox score on a broken bat semi-popup by Podsednik where Uribe is forced at 2nd. For some unknown and very stupid reason, Crede (yes I regret not making note of him actually getting a hit) was running, and that’s why he scored. 6-3 Sox.
8:04 – Well it looks like the Twins are having some issues with catching the ball. Their 2nd grade little league coaches should be fired immediately. Podsednik scores. 7-3 Sox.
8:12 – I took a minute again to laugh at the WCIU show lineup again….And the inevitable Twins rally is on.
8:17 – Is Mulholland wearing his age (45)?
8:18 – AND YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOARD….YES! Konerko puts the Sox up 8-3.
8:22 – Toriiii Hunter makes the game 8-4. The fans remove their parkas and dro
p their Jesse “The Body” Ventura campaign signs to clap.
8:23 – Damaso Marte comes out in favor of Cliff Politte. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
8:27 – They finally get Lew Ford on strikes, who was 3/3 coming into that at-bat and of course I had him on my fantasy bench.
8:29 – “He Gone!” as the Hawk says. And we’re going to the 9th up by 4.
8:36 – I really wish this game was on WGN, so I could be making fun of Cleopatra 2025 commercials between innings.
8:37 – This is the difference between Ozzie and Jerry Manuel. Politte is actually having a good game, so low and behold, they kept him in! Manuel would have used 7 different relievers by this point. I wonder what Good Ole Jer’ is doing now anyways. The last Sox manager, Terry Bevington, is the manager of the independent league Shreveport Sports, and I’m not joking one bit.
8:41 – Bartlett doubles and Mauer is up with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th, I’m still worried like a good Sox fan should.
8:43 – Mauer gets a hit off Konerko’s glove. 8-5 and I’m definitely still worried. Better bring in Shingo.
8:44 – And Shingo is coming in. If he pulls what he did against Cleveland the other day, he’s going back to Japan in a crate.
8:47 – He Gone! Shingo strikes out LeCroy and the Sox take another in the Baggydome.
The Sox have been pretty impressive so far this season. Their pitching has been solid enough to make up for games where the offense isn’t clicking and their lineup has been producing much like they were expected to by White Sox management, but no one in the media. I’m still pretty frustrated with ESPN for not even mentioning this team in their season preview. Sure, we’re only 5 games in, but nothing in those 5 games (4 wins over the Twins and Indians) shows me the Sox are inferior to the “favorites” to win the division. Things can definitely change, the hitting can stop, the pitching can get hurt, but for now, let’s give these guys a chance and see what they’re made of. – Steve
5:54 -This was originally supposed to be Steve and I bickering back and forth as the game went on, but instead, he’s doing something involving alcohol, the souse. Anyways, this game is being broadcast on CSN Chicago, so if I get perturbed with the commentators, you’ll know why.
5:58 – Shingo Takatsu commercial for the Sox. I wonder why they don’t have him saying anything…
6:00 – Ken Harrelson and Darren Jackson bringing us this game from the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, featuring Aaron Rowand and the Chicago White Sox versus Matt LeCroy and those tough Minnesota Twins. Pete and Darren sure know how to pick out the superstars.
6:05 – They are showing us highlights from the Cubs game. A couple things:
Jeromy Burnitz, even though he hit a homerun in this one, will suck and suck hard for the Cubbies this year.
Carlos Zambrano should stick to pitching, as sliding isn’t really his bag.
Bonnie Hunt doing assistant play by play? Was Cybill Shepherd unavailable?
Top of the 1st
6:09 – Why can’t they just call it the Metrodome like everyone else?
6:10 – “And El Duque was El Duque.” I’m not sure what to make of a comment like that. Podsednik flies out to right off of Brad Radke, and I can officially breathe easier.
6:12 – Cuddyer boots it. Yeah, he’ll be a serviceable replacement for Cory Koskie.
6:13 – And Carl Everett homers, the Sox are up 2-0. Brad Radke, veteran though he is, is a little too good at giving those up.
6:16 – The commentators make the astute observation that the Twins defense has gone downhill. Guzman is playing in Washington, Koskie is in Toronto and Mientkiewicz is two teams removed. The Twins are still relying on a good defensive outfield, but more on their pitching. What the Hawk and Darren failed to mention was that our offense is drastically improved. They conclude, “We always look for holes in this tem, but they keep kicking our butts.” So true.
Bottom of the 1st
6:20 – John Garland going for the Sox tonight. As Steve said the other day, “the less Garland the better”. Of course Shannon Stewart and Jason Bartlett ground out quickly.
Top of the 2nd
6:23 – Have you tried these Cheeze-it Twisterz? Gifts from God, really.
6:25 – White Sox star Aaron Rowand grounds out to Little Nicky Punto bringing up the Cancer, A.J. Pierzynski. This brings the commentators to a rant on how they would be better off with A.J. Pierzynski. I suppose they are right. Joe Mauer did come from a pretty awful draft class and is pretty much unheralded.
6:27 – A.J. Pierzynski pops out to third.
Bottom of the 2nd
6:30 – “2-0 good Guys…” Assh—.
6:31 – Minnesota star Matt LeCroy flies out to right.
6:32 – Jacque Jones lets go of the bat and flings it into the White Sox dugout. Nice shot! Nobody’s hurt though, laughs all around.
6:34 – Jones singles, bringing up Lew Ford. If he doesn’t get it going this year, I’m coming after that little dork.
6:35 – Steve is online now. “You were right, Lew Ford looks like a total dork.”
6:36 – Steve is cracking up. “They’re talking to Frank Thomas again!”
6:37 – Ford with the infield single. “Vintage Lew Ford”, says the Hawk.
Top of the 3rd
6:41 – Are they really comparing this White Sox staff to the Atlanta staff of the 90’s? Are you kidding?
6:42 – Podsednik aboard. He’s on my fantasy team, but I’m not playing him tonight. Screw him.
6:44 – Iguchi doubles. More than any other Japanese player in the league, he looks like an extra in a Kung Fu movie.
6:46 – Sac fly from Everett, and they had Iguchi at third after a nice throw from Jacque Jones, but the tag was missed. Michael Cuddyer ladies and gentlemen.
Bottom of the 3rd
6:49 – “3-0 good guys….” Assh—.
6:51 – Little Nicky Punto doubles on a duck snort. I’m not sure what that means either.
6:54 – Darren reminds us that Johan Santana was, in fact, hittable during the first half of the season last year. Thanks Darren, for giving the White Sox faithful hope.
6:55 – Still talking about Santana. 0.45 ERA for an entire month? My goodness, that’s even better than I remember.
6:57 – Bartlett lines into a double play. “Punto had a brain cramp,” the Hawk explains.
Top of the 4th
7:00 – Steve and I have this conversation about Matt Lecroy.
Me: LeCroy doesn’t do anything. He eats a pulled pork sandwich and grabs a cold one until its his turn to bat
Steve: he should have been on the Cubs like 4 years ago
Me: We let them have Ron Coomer
Steve: When they had Ron Coomer and Matt Stairs and all the other fat white guys with goatees that looked like they belonged in a bar
Me: Greatest softball player of all time [Coomer]7:02 – Inning’s already over. I was too involved in reminiscing about Coom-dogg. Someone tell me what happened.
Bottom of the 4th
7:04 – According to MLB, Sox superstar Aaron Rowand and the clubhouse cancer both flew out. I knew you wouldn’t sleep unless you knew.
7:06 – Minnesota superstar Matt Lecroy doubles! Honestly, there is nothing scarier than having Lecroy on the bases if you are a Twins fan.
7:07 – Steve: “See, and that’s why he was mentioned in the promo.”
Top of the 5th
7:10 – Dan Plesac is now on a sports show on CSN Chicago, in case anyone missed him.
7:12 – Other than Carl Everett, Radke seems to be doing all right. Uribe flies out to left. It is a little disheartening that we can’t seem to score any runs.
7:13 – Podesdnik grounds out. It is a little annoying that they cant get the football lines off the field. It doesn’t seem like it should be that hard, especially since the Vikings aren’t even using the dome until August.
Bottom of the 5th
7:16 – Lew Ford had to get beat up as a youngster. But he singles to right. Vintage Lew Ford.
7:18 – Cuddyer with the infield single. Twins baseball.
7:22 – The Hawk and Darren explain that the Twins are having trouble with Garland because he’s working the inside part of the plate so well. I beg to differ. I think it’s because the Twins can’t hit.
7:23 – Shannon Stewart goes yard! Three run homer! We’re tied baby! Looks like I’m not drinking early tonight after all.
7:26 – Steve: “I wonder if I would kick ass if I bought a jeep.” The context is irrelevant.
Top of the 6th
7:30 – Iguchi, according to Darren, needs to learn the change-up after coming to America. And English.
7:32 – Steve and I have become sidetracked on a conversation about Jeeps. Not being in inflammatory type, I’m going to let it go. For the over all tone, though, remember Steve will be working for GM.
Bottom of the 6th
7:35 – Indiana Brewster vs. Illinois Golota? WTF? Boxing in Chicago? I’m Terribly confused.
7:36 – I just realized how lanky Garland is. Lecroy lines one over a leaping Iguchi, which is my favorite karate move.
7:37 – Darren is now doing play by play. Sneaky.
7:38 – Torii Hunter lines one off the baggy and Lecroy hustles to third, where Al Newman is waiting with a defibrillator.
7:41 – I had a hell of a time with that word. Steve says “I’m guessing you’re talking about Lecroy.”
7:42 – Lew Ford reaches first and loads the bases on a questionable play by Joe Crede. Vintage Lew Ford. Moments later, Cuddyer grounds into a DP.
Top of the 7th
7:43 – Steve, on Cuddyer: “He should just change his name to Crede.”
7:45 – Timo Perez goes yard. Anyone can homer of Radke.
7:46 – The Hyundai homerun replay recaps the Perez homer. I think everything is sponsored on this network. Wait… the Perez homer? Sickening.
7:48 – The Subway A.J. Pierzynski at bat brought to an end by the Nike Torii Hunter outfield put out.
7:49 – The Hawk is back from his smoke break.
7:52 – Gardenhire is pulling Brad Radke. Hopefully they don’t put in Jesse Crain.
7:53 – They put in Jesse Crain.
7:55 – Uribe flings his bat into the Twins dugout! Wouldn’t this be a fun way to start some brawls? But seriously, everyone is OK, laughs all around.
7:56 – Uribe singles and gets an RBI. The key, apparently, is to throw your bat at the opponent before batting, and you’ll always single.
7:59 – The Twins have now brought in J.C. Romero. Darren mentions that he is a good one. Apparently Darren doesn’t follow a lot of baseball.
8:00 – RBI for Podsednik, wild throw by Romero. He’s a good one all right.
8:02 – Cops is on too. I may have to switch back and forth.
8:03 – Wild pitch by Romero, Podsednik scores. I’m definitely switching to Cops.
Bottom of the 7th
8:04 – Stretching
8:05 – My roommate and I have a Cops drinking game. Drink every time something is censored, there is a cop with a moustache, a guy with no shirt on, a cop makes a non scientific drug reference or a minority is actually the onscreen majority.
8:06 – Seattle’s finest bust a topless guy.
8:07 – Back to baseball. Punto strikes out. Back to Cops.
8:08 – The arrested fellow does not understand his rights and has dope. I just think it’s hilarious when an old female officer says something like that. The Twins will lose every now and then, but you really can’t miss with a show like Cops.
8:11 – Back to the game and Bartlett is on 3rd after a double by Mauer. About time, Joe. Here comes superstar Matt Lecroy. “He iiiiis dangerous,” emphasizes the Hawk.
8:13 – Lecroy flies out. Back to Cops.
Top of the 8th
8:15 – Fort Worth’s finest busts a guy. “I didn’t know what was going on. Wrong place at the wrong time I guess.” The guy freely admitted that he knew stuff was missing out of it and that the console was punched. I can’t wait until Qyntel Woods is on this show.
8:18 – Konerko homers off the geriatric Terry Mulholland. I’m so done with this game.
Bottom of the 8th
8:21 – Torii Hunter hits a homer. Great. Too bad we decided to cough up like 11 of those ourselves.
8:23 – Pitching change, back to Cops. They’re making drug busts in Cincinatti, Probably one of the lamest segments of any Cops episode.
8:24 – Guy getting tased: “that ain’t funny!”
8:26 – In Minneapolis, Lew Ford strikes out. Vintage Lew Ford.
Top of the 9th
8:28 – Thank God this is almost over.
8:29 – Back to Cops. I think I accidentally hit the SAP button on my remote. The only thing that could make these criminals more unintelligible was to listen to them in Spanish.
8:32 – I don’t have a SAP button. Why is this in Spanish?
8:34 – There it is. I do have a SAP button.
Bottom of the 9th
8:35 – 8 hits for the White Sox. 12 hits for the Twins. 8 runs for the White Sox. 4 runs for the Twins. Perhaps you can see why this game is so frustrating.
8:37 – A lady in Las Vegas is crying about something. It has to be an act. She has a neck tattoo.
8:39 – The dynamic duo admit that the Twins beat themselves in this one. Bartlett doubles and won’t let this one end.
8:42 – Mauer hits an ugly single, Bartlett scores, and I’m intrigued by baseball again.
8:43 – Takatsu is coming in. Terrifying.
8:45 – They arrested Ving Rhames in Jacksonville! He didn’t pull over because he had to use the restroom. I would let that excuse go.
8:46 – The arresting officer used the word “roaches” several time. Hilarious.
8:47 – Twins superstar Matt Lecroy strikes out swinging, ending the game. In other news, spell check gives me no problems with Shingo Takatsu. Curious.
Well, that’s it. The Twins drop below .500 and my first televised game is a loss, 8-5. After finally seeing these guys, I can see a few problems. Defensively, they are terrible in the infield. Offensively, they can’t seem to execute in the clutch. Maybe having Morneau in the lineup helps on both accounts, and they will pr
obably pull it together down the road. However, if they don’t improve, it’s going to be a longer year than was expected. – Ryan