A few months back I caught flack from readers and non readers alike about an article I wrote about Nathan Horton. I stated in the article that in his injury ridden season we didn’t have much more to be excited about as his production was in line with previous seasons. While this presumption upset some, others were quick to accept the fate of an oft injured winger who brought other attributes to the team. Yesterday, in an article written by Aaron Portzline the past year plus was chronicled and displayed just how injured Horton has been. Bodies can be beaten and broken but Horton has nothing to fear.
Fear;
noun
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc. whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
The most tangible fear is pain. Complete unbridled pain. Not knowing when the feeling of pain will strike is one of the biggest fears in life, not just in sports, not just in hockey. A degenerative condition such as Horton’s leaves very few options, he needs to do what is best for him and him alone. I will never be a professional athlete so I will never know the rush that is going onto the ice and having thousands of adoring fans cheer my name but I do know the feeling of constant pain and what that can do to one’s psyche.
As I type this early Thursday morning I am awake with constant pain all throughout my body. I’ve written before about my battle with multiple autoimmune diseases and how difficult it can be even getting up in the morning, let alone getting to sleep at night. When dealing with chronic pain, you deal with constant strains that hamper one’s ability to perform daily tasks. Horton talks about this in the Dispatch about how he can’t even properly play with his children, a struggle, a single male such as myself can’t begin to understand. Everyone’s pain is different. This won’t change the fact that deeply rooted in each person’s story of pain that we will never be able to properly understand one’s struggle to overcome physical and mental anguish. I empathize with Horton’s struggle with pain but he needs to understand that life, while challenging, can present a new path.
Like many athletes, sports become a sanctuary that give someone a home away from home. What happens though when the game betrays you? This betrayal may seem like a curse but why can’t this be a god send for Horton? I don’t know Horton personally so I can’t speak to his inner thoughts and desires but I can talk about the vulnerability one feels when helpless. It can feel like an endless cycle of pain, tugging and tugging at you until numbness becomes commonplace. This numbness can be overcome by rejecting the apathy that sets into your daily routine. Hockey may not be a part of Horton’s long term plans but that doesn’t make him any less of a “warrior”, if anything this should be celebrated in the hockey community.
Players constantly take beatings in the name of a game. A game that may grant some short term glory but to others long term pain. What sacrifices should be made for the sake of one’s well being? I found that while my original path was changed and has presented a new set of obstacles for me to overcome I changed for the betterment of myself and my family, a move I don’t regret in the least. Nathan Horton has the same set of options in front of him; he can try to come back and play, but no one will think any less of him for looking out for his own personal safety. Whether it be broadcasting, scouting or upper management, it is time for Horton to get some relief and move forward and on with his life. The first step toward his own personal serenity should be retirement.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
-Reinhold Niebuhr
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