Who: The Denver Broncos vs. the Indianapolis Colts
What: Week 8 of the 2019 NFL season
Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN
When: 1 PM Eastern, Sunday, October, 27th. TV: CBS. Ian Eagle and Dan Fouts are on the call. If you don’t remember Fouts as a player, you probably recall his work with Brent Musburger during the infamous Bourbon Bowl, which launched a nation-wide ruckus over Bobby Boucher.
Why the Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys:
1. Luck
No, no, no, not that guy. I don’t know why you people keep seeing ghosts. “Diligence is the mother of good luck.” – Ben Franklin. I have no idea if Ben actually said this, nor do I care, but it does give me a chance to tell my favorite “yo momma” joke: “Yo momma so old, the key on Ben Franklin’s kite was to her apartment.”
You laughed.
The Broncos are pretty average on defense, both run and pass, so it gives the Colts some options here. Let’s be honest: Frank Reich is a friggin’ genius. Last Sunday, Houston sold out to stop the run – and they did a good job – but Reich went pass heavy yet not one dimensional. Against Houston’s battered secondary, it was a formula for success.
As I was typing this, I ran across an Indy Star Facebook post which read, “The Indianapolis Colts think they know what the opponent will do, so they come up with a plan to counteract it.” You serious, Clark? What kind of “journalism” is this?
Speaking of the Star (and what an opportune time, as I’ve been stuck with writer’s block), they wrote some story I only read the headline on where Broncos coach Vic Fangio claims Reich owes him dinner over something that happened 25 years ago. Vic, ask and ye shall receive.
It’s Saturday night. Fangio and Broncos GM/President/Horseface John Elway meet for a quick dinner with Reich, Jim Irsay, and Chris Ballard at a popular Indy restaurant whose name you would recognize.
The stories and laughs are soon flying, and, other than Elway’s constant complaining about his rounds of White Claw Mango not being served quickly enough, the group is having a great time.
Dinner is served. The waiter – a disheveled looking man with a full beard, wearing an ill fitting waiter outfit with sneakers, and speaking in a nasally French accent – serves Elway his entree’: “Seulement la meilleure viande de cheval pour vous, monsieur.”
The diners dive into their food – with only the occasional Elway distraction where he’s chewing with his mouth open and spitting gristle everywhere – when it’s time for the checks.
Elway eyes his curiously. “What is this?” he asks. “Monsieur, you said the Broncos must get back to their roots, so we served you the finest cheval around, oui.” “Cheval?”
“It’s horse meat, dumbass.”
As the realization that he’s committed cannibalism sets in, Elway screams for the manager.
Everyone begins to eyeball the waiter, who eludes the crowd and races off, never to be seen again.
The manager agrees to pick up Elway’s tab, and a closer examination of the bill reveals the words “I gave my heart to this team!” scrawled across the bottom.
What does any of this have to do with the actual game?
Not a damn thing. I just wanted everyone to envision John Elway as a cannibal.
Oh, and whether it’s 1 if by land, or 2 if by air, the Colts are going to beat a dead horse.
2. OMGWTFBBQ
Jess is a no show this week. She had the greatest of intentions to contribute, of this I’m certain, but…wine happens sometimes, y’all.
Louise stepped up to the plate, however. She’s an overachiever.
Now stop stalking the coach.
3. Cheerleader time!
Wellll, maybe. This week may be a break for the lowest common denominator crowd. The Broncos have a stable full of beauties on their cheer roster; however, their website sucks, it’s 9 hours until game time (this means it’s 4 in the morning), and the author doesn’t have time to lasso up pictures.
Instead, we will just go with this and be done with it:
You’re welcome.
Colts 21, Broncos 17
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