Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys – Jags Edition

Hello, Colts fans. The key to football is to score more points than the other guys.

I know this and you know this, but our friends in the media need something to talk about in order to justify their jobs. Earlier this summer, a certain baseball announcer acknowledged to me that yes, I was right, the team really does just need to score more than the other guys. Yet each time a game rolls around, there he is giving us keys to the game that never include the bit about scoring.

As he is a highly-compensated professional, I figure that the creation of keys that turn no locks must be a growth industry. So now, it’s my turn.

Who: The Jacksonville Glitter Kittens vs The Indianapolis Colts.

What: Week 7 of the 2017 NFL season.

Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN.

When: 1 PM Eastern, Monday, October 22nd. TV: CBS. Shout out to both teams for being so uninspiring that CBS has given us their 2nd lowest broadcasting team, the exciting threesome of Tom McCarthy, Steve Beuerlein, and Steve Tasker. Should you get bored or infuriated by another 2nd half collapse by the Colts, you can browse the other games here.

Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:

1. Beats the hell outta me.

I wish I was kidding. I really don’t know.

Perhaps this…Mid-way through the 4th with the Colts finishing off another epic collapse, rookie CB Quincy Wilson makes his first appearance on the punt return defense. RighteousBurrito Sanchez doesn’t get under the kick enough, so the Jags have a chance to return it. Returner Marqise Lee dodges one hit and cuts outside left…bam! He’s hit by a host of Colts. The ball pops out and right into the hands of Wilson, who jukes his way down the sideline to complete the 55 yard TD, flipping off Charles Pagano on his way there.

And if he won’t do it, I will. #ChuckNay

Seems plausible to me.

2. Colts cheerleader Jessica G…and friends!

Last night while sitting around the fire, Jessica came as a vision in the smoke. I’m startled, but she says “I agree with everything you’ve written.” I say “But I haven’t written it yet,” to which she replies, “it doesn’t matter. I agree.” Poof, she’s gone. Maybe it was just the Fireball, but there you have it folks. She agrees (contractual obligations prevent her from flipping off Charles Pagano, however. Don’t worry, Jessica. We got this part.).

Meanwhile…

Here’s Jessica hanging out with her friend, who I believe is Caroline (Jessica am I right?). Look at those smiles…

Uh oh, it appears Jessica has gotten lost! Don’t worry, we’ll rescue you, Jessica.

*fans self*

Thanks to Jessica, last week the author discovered her friend Ayda. I wonder what she’s up to today…

Good lawd. Someone revive me.

You’ll have to do it again in 5, 4, 3…..

Any of you remember this lady? That’s right, it’s former CC and fan of the author Allie J. Let’s face it, I didn’t know what to write about, and lord knows this team needs all of the good mojo it can find, so I went to the bullpen and Miss Allie J.

That’s it. Our guys are winning today.

*dies*

Colts 17, Glitter Kittens 14