Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys – Steelers Edition

Who:  The Indianapolis Colts vs the stupid Pittsburgh Steelers

What:  Week 16 of the 2020 NFL season.

Where:  Ketchup Field, Pittsburgh, PA.

When:  1 PM Eastern, Sunday, December 27th. TV: CBS. Jim Nantz! Tony Romo! It’s the NFL on CBS! I’ve been a fan of Romo since the start, but feel like he’s started to slide too far into announcer mode. He’s starting to become almost Collinsworth-like (which is NEVER a good thing) in his constant praise of certain QB’s. Alas, there’s probably no going back.

Jim Nantz is the Alpha of all current sports broadcasters, and has been for several years. My favorite Nantz moment will always be this:

CBS had already announced Romo would be taking the place of Phil Simms. It’s the AFCCG, the last game Nantz and Simms will call together. Simms is babbling about the ending of their partnership and asks Nantz if he’ll miss him. Without missing a beat Nantz says, “3rd down now for Pittsburgh.” LEGEND.

It’s December 26. Christmas was a good day. I hope it was a great day for you whether you celebrate or not. We’ve watched a lot of the classic Christmas movies this season, and well, you never know what might bring on inspiration.

Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:

1. The ghosts of the past

I don’t think I really need to explain this one.

Playoff losses in the 70s.

Kordell Stewart running out of bounds and getting rewarded for it. Quentin Corryat and a dropped pick 6. Aaron Bailey? Yeah, you know.

To hell with you, Danielle Harper.

Rapelisberger throwing for like 1500 yards because he was playing 11 against 3 or something.

Vinatieri’s foot slipping in 2019.

There could be more, but you get it.

2. You’ll shoot your eye out

Every single time these teams play something weird and fluky happens against the Colts. This time it’s losing both starting tackles. Has one team ever had such a prolonged streak of bad luck against another team? A bunch of fluky shit is what it is.

No matter the situation with both teams coming into the game, the Colts always seem to wind up Ralphie and the Steelers end up being everyone who said “you’ll shoot your eye out.” And let’s be real: the odds of anyone shooting their eye out with a BB gun without actually pointing it at themselves is slim to none.

3. You serious Clark?

The Raiders blew a sure win against Miami tonight, putting the Colts in an even tighter spot for this game. I’m not sure it’s fair to categorize “Jon Gruden is an idiot” as fluky shit, but if the shoe fits…

Despite the fluky bad luck heading in, the Colts are catching the Steelers at a good time.

You let Big Q play some tackle. In fact, you switch him up at both tackle spots just to give them something to think about.

You limit the amount of damage Chaz Green can do by, well, keeping him on the bench whenever possible.

Run the damn ball works when it needs to, keeping the defense honest enough to where Rivers has enough time to work some magic.

Rivers overcomes the 40 yard pass to Hilton that goes against him when Hilton is tackled with no pass interference call and there’s a pick because Pittsburgh and fluky shit.

Instead of acting like a sieve for three quarters of a game before finally making some plays, the defense takes it to the flukes.

Yes, I am serious.

And don’t call me Shirley.

Colts 28, Steelers 27