Why The Colts Will Score More Than The Other Guys - Texans Edition

Who: The Indianapolis Colts vs. the Houston Texans.

What: Week 12 of the 2019 NFL season.

Where: NRG Stadium, Houston, TX.

When: 8:20 PM Eastern, Thursday, November 21st. TV: FOX. We get our first dose of Joe Buck and the oft-concussed Troy Aikman. Hey, at least it’s not Collinsworth.

Why the Colts will score more than the other guys:

1. Luck

No, no, no, not that guy. No matter what you may think, this article is not your source for luck. I’m not sure why you keep looking for it here. Those are just the breaks.

Speaking of which…

The Colts suffered a bad one Sunday, losing Marlon Mack for the foreseeable future with a broken hand. The author once played a softball game the week after breaking his hand (throwing hand at that), an injury which eventually required surgery, so the author is a bit skeptical of players missing games with this kind of injury.

Before anyone gets outraged, I’m kidding regarding guys missing due to a broken hand. I’m not kidding about playing softball with one. My eventual surgery wasn’t related to playing that night, though.

ANYWAY

Look, I love the foosball same as the rest of you, but TNF sucks. I can’t think of anything the league is currently doing that screams “we don’t care about the players!” more than teams playing on TNF following a game on Sunday. Either work it out where teams only play on TNF following a bye, or scrap the whole damn thing altogether.

The Texans are widely known for having the best looking cheer group around. Well, maybe. Let’s ride…

It’s halftime, and the crowd is fired up because the Texans lead 10-3. The cheer group takes the field for the halftime routine, when all of a sudden a buzz lifts over the crowd. Something isn’t kosher. At midfield, one of the HTC group is making a spectacle. It’s a disheveled looking man with a full beard, and wearing a…Texans cheerleader outfit, duh. The man executes a perfectly timed leg kick, only his bloomers can’t contain everything. When the routine is over, the man tosses his bloomers into the air, eludes security, and races down the tunnel, never to be seen again. When the bloomers are recovered, an inscription is discovered that reads “I gave my heart to this team!”

The Colts play better in the 2nd half, especially the defense, which sacks Deshaun “I hold the ball too long and Randy is still the greatest Watson of all-time” Watson three times, with the big one being a Justin Houston sack with 45 seconds left. Houston’s sack causes Bill O’Brien to punt from the Colts’ 35 yard line, even though it’s just a two point game, because Bill O’Brien is an idiot.

2. QC

The beloved is interesting. The author could say so, so much, but will refrain. My previous sentence has nothing to do with the game, but here’s what she had to say: