Why The Penalty Kick In Soccer Needs To Get The Boot

Evolution; I’m not here to tell you what to believe regarding it and its role in world we live in.  But in regards to sport, it’s a necessary part of any game’s progression towards becoming better.

Did you watch the Portland Timbers game Sunday night?  I did, and while a fringe fan of a game low on my sports totem pole, I’m now convinced of the following thing:  The penalty kick is ridiculous.

Now, before you go “soccer purist” on me and speak to its place in futbol lore, consider how difficult it is to score in soccer.  This isn’t football, where present-day games average nearly 50 points.  This isn’t basketball where teams make roughly half their shots.  Nor is this baseball, where it takes an exceptional pitching performance to hold a team to 3 runs or less.  This is soccer, where it’s not unusual for teams to play to 0-0 ties, an average high-level team takes but 13 shots per game, and of those 13 shots, 5 are typically accurate.  In a nutshell, the odds of scoring in soccer slightly exceed that of an unemployed 18-year-old in an under-aged gentlemen’s club.

Yet, when a player with the ball is aggressively taken down in the 18 yard box, a penalty is called and a player of the fouled team’s choice gets a chip shot from 12 yards away.

Huh?

So let me get this straight:  You play 90 minutes of soccer, average roughly 13 shots a game, accurately strike those shots less than 38% of the time, and put less than 3 of those shots in the net … both teams combined.  But if fouled somewhere in the 18 yard box despite a potentially low percentage chance of scoring, you get a free kick so close to the goal that the goalie is merely left with guessing in an attempt to stop it.

Sound about right?

We’ve all heard the adage, let the punishment fit the crime.  In the case of soccer, their penalty kick is akin to executing someone for lifting a Snickers bar from the Oyster Bay Drug and Sundry.

Such may fly in a third world country stuck in a 14^th century way of life, but in the modern world of equity relative to investment, the penalty kick is a far too penal means of disciplining an infraction.

Last Sunday night, the Timbers fell victim to 2 penalty kicks, which in hindsight changed the game both at the time and on the final scoreboard.  By most accounts the calls were legit, but in at least 1 of the instances the victim of said foul was highly unlikely to score from the position where the infraction occurred.  Here in lies the problem.

I understand that a player with a fantastic scoring opportunity cannot be allowed to be chopped down by a tackle, without fear of a severe consequence.  After all, I’ve established that scoring opportunities are few and far between, so everyone should be treated according to its obvious value.  But why not allow some level of subjectivity in regards to individual fouls?  Some may warrant a penalty kick, while others merely a direct kick or some more difficult version of the existing penalty kick.

But then you’re allowing the referees expanded leeway with an already pivotal call.

Yep, but the call itself is nearly entirely subjective to begin with, and if done properly could be reviewed after-the-fact to conclude the level of severity, in addition to the subsequent penalty.  Much like the flagrant foul call in the NBA.

There may have been a time for this rule, but now isn’t it.

The penalty kick in soccer would be the equivalent of a hit batsman in baseball being awarded a swing off a tee.  I can see it now; Mike Trout is hit by a Felix Hernandez fastball, and the Los Angeles Angels bring Albert Pujols to the plate for one cut from the tee.

Or the NFL making all pass interference calls, regardless of where they occur on the field, to be placed on the opposition’s 1-yard line.

Or the NBA rewarding a 10-point free throw for a clear path intentional foul.

Those are ludicrous, but so is the penalty kick in soccer.

The Timbers outplayed the Vancouver Whitecaps last weekend.  The game was decided by a couple first half penalties which spoon fed the Whitecaps a couple goals they likely wouldn’t have scored, and in a game with few goals to begin with, being gift-wrapped 2 is boiling a 90 minute contest down to a couple somewhat trivial plays.

Doesn’t seem fair. But that’s what you get when a game refuses to evolve.