The following has been a paid fake advertisement:
(We see our host singing a song to a computer screen opened to Rickey Henderson’s Baseball Reference Page, he does not notice us)
God rest you merry Athletics,
Let nothing you dismay
For Rickey the Man of Steal
Was born upon this day
To swipe the bags from catcher’s power
At home or when away…
(Our host turns around and notices us, pretending to be surprised)
Oh, hello there! You caught me practicing my Rickeymas carols. Of course, Rickeymas is one of the most important days of the calendar, important enough where we not only get it (December 25, as you know) off, but also the day before, Rickeymas Eve. Oh, sure, it’s because Rickeymas just coincidentally overlaps with Christmas, but still. And, much like how Jesus was said to have been born in a manger, Rickey Henderson was also born in an unusual place: a 1957 Oldsmobile, on the way to the hospital.
No, seriously, that really happened.
So, remember, children, while you open your gifts and spend time with your family, know that it is the birthday of one of the greatest ballplayers of all time.
(The host pulls out a CD case with Rickey Henderson with a Santa Hat on it for a cover)
WITH THIS SPECIAL COLLECTION OF THE BEST RICKEYMAS CLASSICS!
(Names begin to scroll up the screen as the host sings bits and snippets of certain songs)
Rickey The SurfDawg
Rickey, the SurfDawg,
Was an old and hearty soul,
With a wooden bat and some stirrup hose,
and an eternal goal…
Rickey H. Is Coming To Town
O Little Team of Oakland A’s
He’ll Be Home For Rickmas
He’ll be home for Rickmas
You can count on he
He’ll run, and show, and records, oh!
The greatest, oh, that’s he….
He’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Rickey
Silver (Sluggers) and Gold (Glove)
I Wish We Had Rickey Today
I don’t care what reality says…
Rickey should be heeeeerre…
I don’t care that he’s fifty-five…
Rickey must be neeeeaaarr….
You Steal Bases, Mr. Rick
We Wish You A Merry Rickmas
We wish you a merry Rickmas, We wish you a merry Rickmas
We wish you a merry Rickmas…
And a happy Hank (Greenberg) Year…
(We cut back to the host as the song continues to play)
So, please, call 1-800-4-RICKEY and order “The Best Rickeymas Classics” from Baseball Continuum/Hall of Very Good Press.
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LINKS!
Inside the hiring of Joe Maddon.
The now seemingly-standard “Jorge Arangure Writes Something Good About Baseball and Latin America for Vice Sports” article of the week, on baseball and Cuba in light of the USA’s slow but now increasing mending of ties with the Communist nation. There are plenty of other good looks at how MLB’s relationship with Cuba may change in the short and long term, so poke around a bit.
Ben Lindbergh and Jonah Keri dive deep on the Padres.
Could a special pitching sleeve lead to fewer injuries?
Former Cardinals farmhand Tyrell Jenkins is now a “former Cardinals farmhand” because he was in the Jason Heyward trade. Joe Schwarz asked him about what it’s like to be part of a blockbuster, and he answered.
Self-Promotion of the Week: The Padres are the most nondescript team in baseball’s history.
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Finally, NEXT WEEK, I’ll be having a special All-Links segment of “Wisdom and Links” featuring the best Links of the Year. If you have any particularly favorite articles or anything, let me know on my Twitter account, @DanJGlickman.
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