The Fall Classic is here. Mets and Royals, just like I predicted. You can’t prove I didn’t pick them.
The question now is, as Angel fans, who do we want to win the World Series? All the teams we hate were helpfully vanquished early in the postseason and now we’re left with two inoffensive options. Neither team is particularly unlikable. Both haven’t won the World Series in roughly 30 years. Both have a second baseman that we should all fear Arte Moreno throwing gobs of money at. Both are blue. I like blue.*
* Fun fact(?): A primarily blue team hasn’t won the World Series since the Blue Jays in 1993. This study was done very scientifically, with my brother and I sitting around saying things like “I don’t think the Braves really identify themselves as blue” and “the Yankees are more of a navy.”
To determine who to root for, we’re going to have to break it down position-by-position.
Starting Pitching
Bartolo Colon is a beautiful unicorn and we should cherish every remaining moment he’s a big league pitcher.
Edge: Mets
Catcher
Travis d’Arnaud beats out Salvador Perez for three reasons. First, his last name starts with a lower case letter and that’s fun. Second, he’s going to do something poorly in this series and I’ll be able to text friends “Travis d’ArNOPE” and act like it’s the most clever thing ever. Third, Perez is a greater threat to throw out base stealers, and I need my free A.M. Crunchwrap. How else am I going to become a Breakfast Defector?
Edge: Mets
First Base
I can’t find evidence for this, but Alex Rodriguez allegedly said if he could start a franchise with any player he would choose Eric Hosmer. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.
Edge: Mets
Second Base
Daniel Murphy has turned into a mythic creature this postseason, but Ben Zobrist has long been one of my favorite players. I would also mind less if the Angels gave him a ton of money rather than Murphy. (It’ll be Murphy.)
Edge: Royals
Third Base
My wife thinks David Wright is handsome.
Edge: Royals
Shortstop
Meh.
Edge: Eh
Left Field
I would also be OK with the Angels overpaying Alex Gordon.
Edge: Royals
Center Field
Cespedes and Cain are two of the most fun players to watch, but my dreams will forever be haunted by images of Cespedes gunning down misguided Angel base runners. He can’t hurt the Angels from the NL East, so maybe if the Mets win the World Series they’ll be compelled to shell out money to keep him.
Edge: Mets
Right Field
My brain always associates Alex Rios with Vernon Wells. That’s enough to swing this to Granderson.
Edge: Mets
Bullpen
In a year where everyone’s predictions were horribly wrong, Ryan Madson becoming a shut-down late-inning option for Kansas City is about the least surprising thing that happened.* Good for Madson, but I’m still allowed to be a bit annoyed by it.
*It’s because there’s a curse! A reminder that since the Angels canned Steve Physioc and Rex Hudler after 2009 they have won zero playoff games. The Royals have so far won 18 playoff games in two seasons.
Edge: Mets
Bench
The Royals have lots of fast guys that can steal bases…
Only losers that eat McDonald’s breakfast use properly oriented “R’s”.
Edge: Royals
Manager
Ned Yost out-managed Mike Scioscia last October. Mike Scioscia once was deemed an upgrade over Terry Collins. By the transitive property and such, this one goes to KC.
Edge: Royals
Ballpark
Other than an apple and Shake Shack, Citi Field seems rather ordinary. Meanwhile the Kansas City fans provide arguably the best playoff atmosphere in recent memory. The waterfalls in the outfield give the Kauf a unique feature that plays well on TV, too.
Edge: Royals
History
Neither team has taken home the trophy since Reagan was in office, but the Mets still made the playoffs a few times since claiming the 1986 World Series and even won the NL pennant in 2000. Mark Redman was the Royals’ All-Star representative in 2006 — he finished the season with a 5.71 ERA.
Edge: Mets
Song
“Royals” by Lorde or “Meet the Mets.”
Edge: Royals
***
After all that, we have a tie. If only there was a relevant Angels-related gif that could serve as the tiebreaker.
In the end, the Royals are the reason Mike Trout doesn’t have a playoff win. They must pay. Go Mets.
Root: Mets
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