Hey, I know that the NFC East previews are kind of Arjan’s thing, but he got real busy with life and asked me to help him out with the Cowboys’ preview. Hopefully this works out better than the last time Arjan entrusted me with something.
Wait. What happened the last time Arjan entrusted you with something?
I thought we were here to talk about the Cowboys.
Yeah we are, but now I’m curious.
Arjan asked me to look after his fish, Argie (who I called Argie III… it was a different time), over the summer while he was on vacation. My sister’s cat got into my room while I was gone, attacked the fish, and left him paralyzed. As a result, Argie III couldn’t reach the little fish food pellets that I would drop into his tank. He died like two days later.
Oh god.
Yeah, so let’s hope this goes better
Umm. So about those Cowboys. What’s up with Tony Romo?
Romo had back surgery in December and has been relatively limited this offseason. There was a point during the offseason workouts where Romo couldn’t throw a deep ball. Supposedly, he has looked better and better with each passing day and is starting to look like the Romo of old. Romo skipped the Cowboys’ first preseason game but will play a “few series” against the Ravens on Saturday according to team owner and 8th Wonder of the World, Jerry Jones. It’s starting to seem like this injury isn’t that big of a deal, but still, you don’t want your 34 year old quarterback recovering from back surgery.
Ok. That’s sort of troubling. Any new additions on offense? Any big losses?
In their never ending war against the salary cap, Dallas was left with limited funds to upgrade their roster. Most of that money went towards the defensive side of the ball. Their only noteworthy additions were guard Uche Nwaneri, running back Ryan Williams, and quarterbacks Brandon Weeden and Caleb Hanie. Actually, scratch that. None of those are noteworthy. They did, however, draft Notre Dame guard/tackle Zack Martin who should help man the inside of the best offensive line that the Cowboys have had in years. The Boys didn’t really have any tremendous losses either. They cut Miles Austin and Phil Costa, but both moves should be placed in the “addition by subtraction” file, and backup quarterback Kyle Orton finally realized that it was better to be nothing than to be a Cowboy. He refused to take a pay cut, resulting in his release/retirement. Good for him.
I heard something about Tyron Smith’s big extension, what was that all about?
Yep, the Cowboys (gulp) actually made a savvy front office decision. They locked up human brick wall and stud left tackle Tyron Smith to a eight year contract extension worth 96 million dollars, 40 of those million are guaranteed. While that’s a long contract with some big figures, all of the guaranteed money is paid out in the early years of the contract. Therefore, if Smith gets hurt or flat out sucks, the Cowboys can cut him without placing any dead money on their books. Oh and he’s still just 23 years old.
Hold up. So the Cowboys shrewdly signed a great young player to low-risk high reward contract?
Yep. That’s what I just said.
Ok. I’m going to need something more Cowboys-y.
They signed their kicker to a seven year contract.
There we go. That’s the stuff.
That’s not all.
Go on…
They hired Scott Linehan as “passing game coordinator” and he will call plays this year from the sideline. But, Jason Garrett and last year’s play caller and incumbent offensive coordinator, Bill Callahan, are still around. The Cowboys are the living embodiment of the expression, “too many cooks in the kitchen.”
I love the Cowboys. Whenever I need a “pick-me-up” they’re there.
So true.
What’s their biggest weakness?
Injuries, really. Also, they don’t run the ball enough. Other than that, this is a very scary offense.
Any under-the-radar players to look out for? You know, fantasy sleepers?
Terrence Williams, the Cowboys number two receiver is going to break out this year. He quietly racked up over 700 yards receiving and five touchdowns last year. I could see that becoming more like 1,000 yards and seven or eight touchdowns this year. Also Gavin Escobar, the Cowboys backup tight end is a really intriguing player. The Cowboys took him in the second round last year and will most likely try to integrate him into the offense more this year. He will eventually take the reigns from Jason Witten, assuming he is not an immortal being who isn’t susceptible to the human aging process.
Anything else you want to add?
Yeah. I wish the Cowboys had taken Manziel instead of Martin. That media circus would have been awesome. I like watching the world burn.
Are you sure that’s it?
Oh yeah. R.I.P Argie III
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