The dream five-a-side made up of haircuts

Let’s be honest – from David Beckham’s braids to Glen Hoddle’s mullet, there have been some shocking footballer haircuts over the years. To get things right, we’ve come up with the dream five-a-side made up of men’s haircuts.

Goalkeeper – Short back and sides

Think: Manuel Neuer

Dependability is a top goalkeeping trait. The less risky your keeper is, the more confident your defence will be. We can’t think of a more appropriate hair cut than the short back and sides. Of course Manuel Neuer – the four-time winner of the Goalkeeper of Year award and epitome of dependability – relies on a firm and steady short back and sides. If you want a no-fuss barnet, this haircut can be found in any barber shop around the world.

Defender – Buzzcut

Think – Willy Boly

What’s the one trait you need from a centre back? That’s right – reliability. A touch of intimidation wouldn’t go amiss either and that blend always comes with a buzzcut. Willy Boly – the 6ft 3in centre-back – is as no nonsense as they come. We’re sure his clean buzzcut has had an effect on striker’s performances over the years. The buzzcut fits perfectly with this position, supplying a strong look with a pinch of scary.

Midfielder – Messy Crop

Think: Lucas Torreira

The thinking man’s position is holding midfielder – every footballer knows that. Reading the game is a huge skill required for a DM, but it’s important to have a pinch of creativity in there too. The Uruguayan footballer has been a complete revelation for Arsenal’s midfield. In our eyes, the messy crop style is a key part of the defensive midfielder’s skill. The unkempt look has a surprising amount of thought into it, maintaining trendiness without sacrificing practicality. 

Midfielder – Man Bun

Think: Gareth Bale

Man buns aren’t exactly seen in the best light by some, but attacking midfielders don’t play by the same rules. Most players in this position will have the ability to play the ball around you for fun. It might be irritating, but you can’t deny the silky skills. The man bun fits that profile perfectly – slightly annoying in principle, but still sleek and stylish. The Welsh Wizard Gareth Bale knows all about the benefits of the man bun.

Striker – Pompadour

Think: Olivier Giroud

Strikers are a unique breed. Packed with untold amounts of confidence and finesse, every five-a-side team wants their striker to be equal parts arrogant and skillful. The pompadour fits this description perfectly. The bold decision to pick this hairstyle requires quite a bit of belief. If there’s any footballer in the Premier League who fits that description, it’s Chelsea’s very own Olivier Giroud.

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