“Hello, friends. As many of you know, we ran a headline for a story about a non-football regular season championship in Sunday’s paper that upset some readers and many non-subscribers who saw it on Twitter or a message board.
Following a morning and early afternoon of fans ignoring their team’s regular season championship and angrily voicing their opinions about a newspaper headline, which included a multitude of sick online burns with a hashtag, the Clarion-Ledger’s executive editor, Sam Hall, issued an apology and explanation as to how a headline came to ruin so many people’s day. Hall also assured readers and those who have cleared their cookies so they can get another 10 free articles this month that the Clarion-Ledger is not a part of a conspiracy against any school in Mississippi.
He went on to say that the paper wants only what is best for every school in Mississippi because that makes the entire state better. As sports editor and columnist at the Clarion-Ledger, it is also my duty to issue a statement on Sunday’s flashpoint of outrage.
I’d like to start by telling you that what Sam Hall wrote is a total lie. We hate all of your schools with the fire of a billion suns and stars. Nothing gives us greater pleasure in the press box and newsroom than to see your school’s complete failure and misery. It is our oxygen.
So when one of your little ragtag operations has even the slightest taste of success, like a regular season title, you better believe we’re going to find a way to get a dig in, even if it is the slightest of digs. We will stop at NOTHING to diminish your school’s success and have a hand in running your school into the ground.
Sam told you that the headline responsible for launching a fleet of tweets was written by someone in Nashville who didn’t understand the intricacies of the Mississippi State/Ole Miss rivalry. Let me go ahead and confirm what you already think: we, which includes the sports department and editorial staff, spent hours coming up with that headline. I can’t even remember how many conference calls we had or how many drafts we went through before arriving at what we thought would make the most number of people mad.
Based upon the reactions and number of folks with a ruined Sunday, I’d say we did a pretty damn good job.
Always remember, Mississippians, that even if your school keeps winning, we’re going to keep finding a way to smear, slight, and subvert. I know I can’t wait to cover an Egg Bowl between two 3-8 schools.
In the words of famous newsman Kent Brockman, ‘This just in: Go to hell!'”
Obvs this is satire, but that shouldn’t stop you from sending Hugh Kellenberger an angry email or leaving him a rambling, insane seven-minute voicemail.
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