Here’s a version that doesn’t involve me making 10 variations of the “all the assistant coaches left” joke. Now, here’s the stuff that enjoys every minute of Tennessee failure:
- Tyler Bray completed nine more passes than he did in last year’s spring game, while attempting four fewer passes, so the 14 of 26 he put up this year doesn’t seem nearly as sloppy (for those who can’t do the math, or are too lazy to try, which is me, he was 5 of 30 in the last spring game)
- No word if his higher degree of accuracy came from a yet-to-be-revealed addition to the jazz star name tattoo on his back, but I think we can assume it was directly responsible, especially if it looks like this:
- Defensively, the Vols showed off their new 3-4 look, a transition made easier by facing the Tennessee offense
- Play was stopped during the third quarter after four assistants slipped out of the stadium, headed for destinations unknown
- Play resumed after four fans were able to present a photo ID and hired as replacement assistants
- One lucky fan won $20 worth of Solid Gold #378 scratch-off lottery tickets for correctly identifying AN assistant coach
- Phil Fulmer was allowed to call one play as a special guest play-caller; his call resulted in a gym bag with $25,000 showing up at the back door of an elite high school defense end’s house
- Unfortunately, Trooper Taylor saw it and took the money to help pay down his towel laundry loans
- To relieve the pain of watching his kicker get an extra point blocked when the defense wasn’t allowed to rush (at least the offense scored, am I right!?!), Derek Dooley remembered that he could be getting fired from Louisiana Tech this year instead of Tennessee, and walking away with a lot less money
- If things do go south for Dooley and he’s canned in the middle of the year, I think we’d all agree Houston Nutt would make a fine interim coach
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