The contest that has inspired more apathy than the David Cutcliffe, Ed Orgeron, and Houston Nutt eras combined at Ole Miss returns for yet another bowl season. Once again, you have the opportunity to prove to the greater Internet area that you possess the ability to correctly pick bowl game winners, while smartly assigning point values to said winners.
If you’re new to how this operation works, or if you’re old and can’t remember because remembering stuff is stupid, here’s how the gears to this thing turn. Sign up via Yahoo Sports (I will NEVER type the exclamation point again) with the information below, pick the winners of all the bowl games, and assign confidence points to each of the games.
For example, if you pick Ole Miss to defeat TCU and feel really good about it despite Ole Miss missing its top two wide receivers and an offensive line that has a 30% chance of playing average, you could assign up to 39 points (39! ALL THE BOWL GAMES.), which you would then earn if Ole Miss does indeed beat one of the Big 12’s TRUE CHAMPIONS. On a positive note for the Big 12, they do lead the country in weasel behavior by the conference office.
Or, if you believe Ole Miss has checked out and TCU has one month to prepare for an offense that has incorporated smoke and mirrors as part of its scheme, you could assign Ole Miss 1 point, assuming you thought the smoke and mirrors might be enough.
You only get points if you pick the game correctly and you have to assign a different point value for each game (all of this will make more sense when you see it on your screen). The person with the most points when THE TIDE CHALKS UP ANOTHER TITLE, PAAAWWWLLLL wins.
You must pick each game before it starts, but you don’t have to pick them all at once. Or so I think. I haven’t read the rules, nor will I, but the first games are this Saturday so be sure to pick those before then.
There are prizes for those skilled enough to finish in first, second, or third place. As you can see from last year, we spare no expense around here. I’d also like to point out that I won last year, which means you should keep in mind that YOU COME AT THE KING, YOU BEST NOT MISS.
But, the most important part of the contest, and the only reason I do it, is to not finish in last because you will receive a public shaming in this very space. Yes, here in this spot, you will be exposed to the world as person who is terrible at picking college football games and correctly assigning points to the winners.
Just so we’re perfectly clear, the stink of shame and the shaming will follow you the remainder of your days. And if you think there will be any kind of mercy, I seem to recall shaming my sister one year for her disastrous performance.
Here’s the information you need to get yourself into the group and in position for prizes or a date with a public shaming.
The Belly of the Beast
ID#: 13955
Password: seagal
As the Albanian dude said to Liam Neeson before Neeson spent the next 45 minutes tearing his world into tiny, useless pieces, “Good luck.”
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