"Hello, people who have not yet earned the right to make eye contact with me. Welcome to my Mount Shiloh.
For those of you who don't know, which I assume is all of you, Shiloh is a Hebrew word that means "place of peace." Here, you'll find the world in a state I consider perfect.
You're welcome to explore the grounds and drink in the serenity of sharp whistle blows and yelling, provided you do so in a disciplined, regimented way. No half-steps or quarter-steps. Full strides only and at the same pace.
But first, a few rules we have around here. These rules have no bend because they have been perfect since their inception and will remain so. Break them and we'll clothe you with a red sackcloth and send you back out the front gate.
Most important of all these rules is no hurrying of any kind. We plod with power around here. Hurrying is a dangerous game. A weak man's game. Only an inferior lot would try something so desperate and reckless.
We are above that. We cut no corners. We come on straight and true. Any other way disgusts me to the core of my being.
You might be asking, why do I have this putter here. The answer to that is that it's much easier to throw at hurriers than a 5-iron. Remember, this is the rule we hold dearest around here, so NEVER break it.
As for the rest of the rules, well, you'll figure them out as you go. You'll know you've broken one when you find yourself alone and bear-crawling to the end of the field and back.
Now, if you'll excuse me, there's film to be watched and I'm quite certain there's something somewhere for which I need to be prepared."
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