Delivered a day early due to travel and such to get to Oxford.
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsThe weather forecast for Oxford during Saturday night’s game calls for temperatures to be somewhere in the neighborhood of WAY TOO COLD. Something like mid-to-low 30s, with a real son of a bitch wind out of the north, blowing around 15 mph.
For someone who actively searches for a place to live where it never gets cold, yet still has all of the modern conveniences I demand and I can afford to live there, this is the worst of news. Cold weather does nothing but pour a constant source of misery on the land.
Yet, there are these lunatics in our world who say things like, “Finally, cold weather is here!” These people should be forcibly committed to an asylum.
After all, these people are saying they prefer to not be able to go outside for an extended period of time, enjoy the icy wind that makes it even colder, love sunless days, and can’t get enough of static electricity when they dress and undress.
I’VE GOT THIS GREAT GREEN TEA AND NEW HEAVY JACKET I CAN’T WAIT TO TRY.
/fills the interior of their car with green tea
Realistically, sending them to an asylum is probably a bit strong. Plus, I’m sure there are miles of legal red tape that would accompany such a move.
So instead, let’s just ship these psychopaths to Wyoming or one of the Dakotas from November to March. There, they can have all the green tea they want, and they will want it all in order to survive, and that heavy jacket can get plenty of use.
And when they get back, we can all enjoy a good cold weather hate together.
Last week: 1-4 (.200)
Season: 34-47-2 (.409)
Mississippi State (-1.5) at Arkansas
We won’t know for sure until just before the game whether Mississippi State will be forced to play third-stringer Damian Williams because GOTTA MAKE ARKANSAS WONDER WHAT’S COMING, but all signs from this week’s practice reports point to him having a significant role.
I assume he starts and continues playing unless he’s a total wreck, at which point a not-100% Tyler Russell or Dak Prescott comes in and tries to restore order. If there is good news in this scenario, it’s that Arkansas is not a good team and Mississippi State, even with Damian Williams, should be able to keep its head above water.
The bad news for State is DAMIAN WILLIAMS, and BERT knows this is his last shot to avoid an 0-8 debut in the conference (Arkansas plays LSU next week). He’s had an extra week to rest and prepare, and Arkansas’ players know this is a beatable team unless they do Arkansas things and make them unbeatable.
I like BERT to get an ice bath this week, which will lower his body temperature to a cool 128 degrees. Arkansas and the points.
Texas A&M at LSU (-4.5)
Remember when Ole Miss’ offense put up 525 yards on LSU’s defense? WHAT A GRAND TIME THAT WAS AND I NEVER TIRE OF SAYING IT.
Expect Texas A&M to do something similar. The question for A&M is whether they can get a stop or two out of a defense that is worse than LSU’s.
They probably can’t do it on their own, which means they’ll need Ole Miss Zach Mettenberger to show up and make terrible decisions about pushing the ball down the field. But, even if he doesn’t show up, Johnny Manziel still plays for A&M and will always keep them in a game by doing things that should win him another Heisman, but won’t because HARRUMPH.
A&M may not be able to win, but I shall gladly accept points in their favor.
Kentucky at Georgia (-23.5)
Really looking forward to Georgia showing off their Georgia ability to be flat after any contest in which emotions run high. They always seem to take it to another level, which, considering how well they do it, is impressive.
Though, after last week, that any of them where able to go on with their daily activities immediately is pretty amazing. I would have been face down on the floor until at least Wednesday.
Georgia to cover because taking Kentucky is crazy talk.
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (-2.5)
Last week was Vanderbilt bowl watch (and they succeeded!), this week it’s Tennessee bowl watch. The Volunteers need to win out to attend what will likely be the Liberty Bowl (901, stand up!) or the Compass Bowl (beat Pitt!).
Until the Auburn game, Tennessee had been a difficult team to play at home. They took Georgia to overtime and upset South Carolina, which put them in striking distance of beautiful Memphis or Birmingham in late December/early January.
I feel good about their chances against Kentucky next week (unless Kentucky starts a wide receiver at quarterback; NEVER GETS OLD), but Vanderbilt is a competent enough team to keep them from a bowl game. Tennessee struggles with all things defense and makes enough mistakes on offense (81st in turnovers) that Vanderbilt might be able to crush dreams of a Memphis or Birmingham holiday season.
Vanderbilt and the points.
Missouri (-2.5) at Ole Miss
As I expertly mentioned earlier in the week, the game will likely be decided by the performance of the Ole Miss offensive line and cornerbacks. If Ole Miss can run block well enough and limit Missouri’s pass rush, points and yards will be created in their favor.
If not, we should see an offensive performance like the one at Auburn. Mostly panicked and Bo Wallace spending a lot of time with Auburn defensive linemen.
And, as for the cornerbacks, if they can keep Missouri’s big receivers from going Mike Evans-against-Alabama nuts, then Ole Miss should be able to keep Missouri within reach. If not, then the Ole Miss offense will have to have a huge game, free of mistakes, which has never been our strongest asset.
Maybe because I think the SEC East is mostly not good and I am suspect of picking against home underdogs, but I like Ole Miss to cover. Also, I like my chances of freezing my ass off and complaining about it constantly.
Coastal Carolina at South Carolina
Georgia Southern at Florida
Chattanooga at Alabama
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