Sunday marked the annual sprint by Alabama fans to get in autograph lines so that they might have yet another piece of signed Crimson Tide memorabilia to prominently display in their homes. This year’s Alabama Fan Day featured the aforementioned sprinting by people whose last time to sprint was at the 2014 Alabama Fan Day, thousands of autographs from players and coaches, and, given the 100-degree heat, excessive sweating*.
*If I had to attend such an event, I would be required by law (as my sweating most likely poses public health risks) to bring two dry sweat towels and at least one cold towel.
As you can see from the video, it is quite the mob rush to get in prime position to speak to Nick Saban for two seconds while he says, “Uh-huh” during a rushed attempt to sign his name on various objects. The rush reminds me of the Running of the Bulls that takes place throughout Spain (and other countries), but is most famously identified with the city of Pamplona in northern Spain.
Between these two famous runnings, the question that must be asked is “PAAAWWWWLLLLL, WHICH RUNNING IS THE BETTER RUNNING?”. To determine which of these runnings is indeed the better one, we put these competitors in a head-to-head battle cage, locked the door, and threw away the key.
LET’S DO THIS.
LOCATION
Pamplona: Well, shockingly enough, Pamplona. The Pamplona running takes place during the San Fermin festival, which occurs every year from July 6 to July 14. Do you know what the average high temperature in Pamplona is during July? 83 DEGREES.
THAT’S AN 8 FOLLOWED BY A 3. I HATE ALL OF YOU.
Tuscaloosa: Alabama Fan Day takes place in August when the average high temperature in Tuscaloosa is 92 degrees, plus whatever horrific amount humidity adds to the heat index. Having just spent a few days in Denver, I can tell you that high temperatures in the 80s and very little humidity in August is a pretty swell way of doing things.
I spent a good part of Friday walking around downtown and experienced average back sweat compared to the normal fountain I would acquire from said walking in the heat. My point of telling you all of this is I don’t know why I came back and what am I doing with my life.
Advantage: Pamplona
LENGTH OF RUNNING
Pamplona: The runs take place on eight consecutive days, starting at 8 AM each day. While 8 AM is completely gross, I am not one to stand against an eight-day gathering where festivities rule the day and night.
Tuscaloosa: The actual running lasts no more than a minute (the Fan Day lasts 45 minutes). There is something to be said for efficiency because we’ve all got things to do, like getting back to watching film, but eight days of probably not working while standing around in 80-degree weather sounds ALRIGHT BY ME.
Advantage: Pamplona
PEOPLE IN ATTENDANCE
Pamplona: You always hear stories of the various celebrities in attendance, which of course makes you OH YOU FANCY HUH. You’ve also got a mix of Spaniards, Europeans, and American college students who inevitably get on the business end of a bull’s bad intentions.
Tuscaloosa: SABAN.
Advantage: Tuscaloosa
ARE ROCKETS INVOLVED
Pamplona: YES. The first rocket marks the opening of the corral gate to let the bulls into the street. The second rocket indicates all six bulls are now pounding through the streets, and the third and fourth rockets (FOUR ROCKETS, Y’ALL) indicate that the bulls have entered the bullring and their new corral.
Tuscaloosa: Not yet, but patience, friends.
Advantage: Pamplona
CLOTHING
Pamplona: Most runners wear the traditional white clothing with some type of red bandana, scarf, or sash. But I suppose the most important thing one should wear is whatever allows you to run faster than the person nearest you who is about to get gored.
Tuscaloosa: TIDE GEAR.
Advantage: Tuscaloosa
INJURIES
Pamplona: After seeing one video or picture of someone being gored, you have seen the maximum number of videos or pictures of someone being gored that you should ever see in your lifetime.
Tuscaloosa: Nothing nearly that serious, but I’m sure there are folks who deal with dehydration, a tweaked knee or hamstring during the sprint, and fainting when Saban accidentally makes eye contact.
Advantage: Tuscaloosa
NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS
Pamplona: NONE.
Tuscaloosa: FIFTEEN DANG NATIONAL TITLES AND WE DESERVED ABOUT 15 MORE THAN THAT. THEM BULLS AIN’T PLAYED NOBODY AND AIN’T WON NOTHIN’. RTR RTR RTR RTR RTR RTR.
Advantage: Tuscaloosa
So there you have it, by a final score of 4-3, Tuscaloosa defeats Pamplona and is declared the home of the greatest running of people event in the world. Roll Tide.
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