The Next Time LSU Goes To Georgia…

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After what had to be a pretty industrious weekend, the SEC spent its Monday releasing the rotation schedule of non-division opponents all the way through 2025. As expected, thanks to expansion and an eight-game conference schedule that insists on keeping one permanent rival, great swaths of time will pass before some schools visit other schools.

LSU, who played Georgia in Athens during the 2013 season, will not see the home of what will then surely be, based on genetic disease acceleration, UGA XXXIV until 2025. Some will blame the long wait until LSU fans are cited for alcohol-related offenses in Athens on the majority decision to not go to a nine-game conference schedule, which was made a few weeks ago.

Of course, these fine folks are overlooking that four schools, that’s four out of 14, are holding up the process of doing away with the permanent non-division rival, and instead featuring two rotating non-division opponents. Alabama/Tennessee and Georgia/Auburn do not want to see their yearly rivalry games go away, and I suppose you could throw Mississippi State in that group, as they don’t want to lose their permanent East opponent in Kentucky, because KENTUCKY FOOTBALL.

Rivalries are important, especially when they involve Tennessee getting its head kicked in on a yearly basis, and help add character to a conference, but is maintaining these two games at the expense of keeping all of the cousins from being more familiar with one another in the best interest of the conference? Shouldn’t the SEC look to attempt a scheduling effort that isn’t based on the desires of four schools?

And if they did, wouldn’t it work better than the current scheduling format? Who knows because accurately predicting the future is hard and I also do not have tarot cards at the house, but my guess is WHY NOT TRY AND SEE IF NO PERMANENT RIVALS SCHEDULING WORKS.

If it proves to be a terrible adventure, filled with far too many Arkansas/Kentucky and LSU/Vanderbilt pits of darkness, then there are no rules preventing the conference from going back to one permanent rival because, and this could be difficult to follow, the CONFERENCE MAKES THE RULES and switching back is always an option. But by all means, let’s allow the threat of complaining Auburn fans (that is what they already do) and the stupid principle of “SURRAH, that’s the way we’ve always done it, HARRUMPH” to keep from trying something that might benefit more than just four schools.

Of course, the same argument could be made for a nine-game conference schedule trial run, but in that situation a majority (never found an exact vote count) of schools oppose it. Four schools currently care about keeping their permanent rival (five if you count Mississippi State, and six if you count Kentucky, who might rather lose by a touchdown to Mississippi State than by 42 to Alabama), while up to 10 care not. So why attempt a trial run of a schedule the majority of the conference does not want? UNLESS ALABAMA WANTS TO DO IT, RIGHT AUBURN FANS?

Since the conference does make the rules, it’s possible this schedule through 2025 will be destroyed in a few years, and the people in charge will choose a new path, but only because they believe it will generate more money, as that is the sole reason behind any decision. Until then, we scream and holler about things because it is May and we are all surrounded by a sea of baseball and a little cranky.

To further demonstrate how long it will be until some schools visit other schools, here is a convenient list that attempts to add some perspective on what life will be like when those visits finally occur:

-When Arkansas finally visits Kentucky in 2019, Wildcats head coach Houston Nutt will become the first head coach to coach a team in a seven overtime game against the team he once coached in a seven overtime game against his current employer.

 

-When Auburn finally visits Vanderbilt in 2023, the game will be played in Noted Vanderbilt Fan Kenny Chesney Stadium.

 

-When Florida finally visits Auburn in 2024, Kirby Smart, who was Georgia’s head coach in 2023 before being kicked out of Athens for stealing wallets in the locker room, will lead Auburn to the first of many spectacular wins on its way to a national championship.

 

-When Georgia finally visits Texas A&M in 2024, Kyle Field will be 47 stories tall and seat 350,000 people.

 

-When Kentucky finally visits Ole Miss in 2022, Andy Kennedy will be fresh off an NCAA Tournament appearance, his third in 16 years in Oxford, which comes at just the right time again, preserving his job for at least another two years.

 

-When LSU finally visits Georgia in 2025, Athens police will have a special gumbo pepper spray at the ready to subdue the inevitable out-of-control LSU fans.

 

-When Ole Miss finally visits South Carolina in 2025, “Sandstorm” will still be played at ear-damaging levels, and a highly ranked Ole Miss team will suffer a disastrous loss on a Thursday night.

 

-When Mississippi State finally visits Florida in 2025, Gators head coach Rex Grossman will try to hang 80 on the Bulldogs, which is one point for the ball boy who was run over in Florida’s 2000 loss in Starkville when Grossman played quarterback.

 

-When Missouri finally visits Mississippi State in 2020, half of the Missouri fans will end up in Oxford because no one north of Tennessee knows the difference between Mississippi State and Ole Miss.

 

-When South Carolina finally visits Arkansas in 2022, 77-year old head coach Steve Spurrier will remark, “Pretty much looks the same since the last time we were here: red, fat, and paranoid.”

 

-When Texas A&M finally visits Tennessee in 2023, due to Tennessee athletic department financial management and an unsuccessful four-year return of Phillip Fulmer, the once Colosseum-like Neyland Stadium will only seat 52,000.

 

-When Tennessee finally visits Missouri in 2021, the Pac-12 will play all of their games in The Cloud, while the Big 10 will play all of its games in Indianapolis, which is where all of the Big 10 schools will then be located.

 

-When Vanderbilt finally visits LSU in 2024, Commodores head coach Jay Cutler will respond to a sideline reporter’s question with, “DOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAARE”, as he jogs into the locker room at halftime, trailing 41-6.

 

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