So now we have this from Tom: “My one regret, I would say, is not being able to convince Tiki [to return for another season].”
Andy: “And why, coach, do you think he did not return?”
Tom: “Well, you would have to ask him that.”
Andy: “He said in as many words last week that he was tired of your inflexible ways, that you were hearing him (and the other players) but not listening.”
Tom: “My door is open all the time, and the players know they can come to my office whenever they have something to discuss with me.”
Andy: “But Tom, begging your pardon, that is a load of horsebleep, and you know it. The doors to Gestapo Headquarters are open and anyone with a complaint is free to voice it and get shot.”
Tom: “Not true. An unnamed player came into my office this past season and we slit the bastard’s throat. No guns were used.”
Andy: “Well, I am glad that misconception was cleared up. But back to Barber, what about the perception that players ultimately do not want to play for you, that they can only take your mouth, your rules, your rigidity for so long before they want to move on?”
Tom: “I cannot speak for Tiki. All I can say is that I am the head coach and I have 45 spots that many football players will be fighting for come the end of July.”
Andy: “With upwards of $109 million dollars in salary cap booty being disbursed, you could run a … er… Gestapo Installation and people would show up.”
Tom: “We’re trying to convince the fans that we have a legitimate chance at winning a Super Bowl, and your comments do not help. Look, I have the support of John Mara, who has stated that ‘there’s substantial support for (me) in (the) locker room. If you talk to the players, they will certainly dispute that (notion of malcontents).'”
Andy: “Look, I can only interview one blind bat at a time. Is there any hope that you can win a championship while remaining intractable?”
Tom: “Intractable? What does that mean? Too many syllables. Look, I am a football coach, not an English major.”
Andy: “Stubborn, unmoveable, unbending.”
Tom: “Damnit, have you been speaking to my wife?”
Andy: “No, just Tiki and 44 others.”
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