We’re all depressed about what’s going on in the world regarding the COVID-19 outbreak, and baseball has become collateral damage. We all need to escape, and now you can read this blog in the alternate: the one where global pandemics were a myth and baseball was around no matter what. We’re imagining the 2020 Mets season as if everything was normal. Enjoy these works of fiction.
If you had Rick Porcello vs Pablo Lopez as your pitching duel of the year, then you have a gambling problem because you’re in weird pools. Also, you’d be right. Porcello and Lopez both went seven shutout innings to set up a 0-0 game in the 8th. All through the game I kept looking out my window to make sure pigs weren’t flying. Then I checked my twitter feed to see if Kate Upton was going to curse out some Cy Young voters again … that’s how good Porcello looked.
And Pablo Lopez? Did Joel Piniero let Pablo read his first draft of “Beating the Mets for Dummies?”
Jesus Aguilar led off the 8th by blasting one into the Apple off Dellin Betances for a 1-0 lead (no, he did not get a $25 gift card to the team store if he would have shot the t-shirt in there with the cannon.) They threatened for more but Jake Marisnick robbed Isan Diaz of a bases clearing double with a diving backhand catch to end the inning. Now, if you’ve watched baseball long enough you know that when somebody makes a great catch, he always leads off the next half inning. Always … 100%. It’s proven by science. I’d say about 27% of that time, said leadoff hitter hits a home run. Marisnick had the crowd getting out their calculators after his home run against Brandon Kintzler to tie the game.
Then things got really weird.
Top of the 9th, Seth Lugo is in to keep the game 1-1, and Jon Berti leads off with a triple. Lewis Brinson then pinch hits for the pitcher. First pitch is a fastball outside that Wilson Ramos lets get by him. Berti breaks for home as the ball caroms back to Ramos hard. Lugo does a great job covering the plate and Ramos fires a strike to him. Lugo reaches down to tag Berti before he gets to the plate, and Lugo performs an unintended somersault as he crashes into Berti, flips head over heels, and lands on his back.
The trainers all rush out to intercept him before he can collapse into a heap of ash. But after a quick stretch, Lugo took the mound again, jersey splattered in crushed brick. He struck out Brinson before Miguel Rojas blasted one to the right center field gap. Dias, on his horse, went all the way to third for a triple. With Edwin Diaz warming up hard, Jeremy Hefner came out to visit Lugo, seemingly to stall for time. But Lugo convinced Hefner that he was fine and he got to face Diaz, whome he made quick work of … curve, fastball, curve. Inning over.
Michael Conforto led off the 9th with a single but the Mets couldn’t bring him home. Edwin Diaz pitched a 1-2-3 10th to set up the bottom of the inning. Amed Rosario led off the 10th with a single off Yimi Garcia. Luis Rojas pulled Yoenis Cespedes from the on deck circle and sent up Luis Guillorme to sacrifice Rosario to second. Garcia couldn’t find the plate and Mattingly is giving D. J. Reyburn all sorts of hell. Finally after Guillorme takes a 3-0 strike, Guillorme lays one down and Rosario goes to second. Now just when you think things are going to calm down, Reyburn tosses Mattingly. Mattingly goes ballistic and has to be restrained by Alfaro before he hit him with Derek Jeter’s ego. Then in a weird twist, we find out after the craziness dies down that Francisco Cervelli was also ejected. I’m now rooting for the game to go 20 innings just to see what the hell the Marlins would do for a backup catcher. (It’s not like these teams haven’t gone 20 innings before.)
As we have now moved seamlessly from classic pitcher’s duel to dystopian hellscape, Garcia walks Brandon Nimmo, then while hoping to get Jeff McNeil to hit into a double play, Garcia instead throws one through Alfaro’s legs to send the runners to second and third, and now Garcia has to walk McNeil. So now Pete Alonso is up and we’re all thinking the game is over. Instead, somehow, Garcia strikes out Alonso. So Michael Conforto comes up and Mattingly instructs James Rowson to bring in Adam Conley, who has not allowed a hit to Conforto in ten at-bats. Now, I’m thinking we’re going to the 11th inning. Fitting, as the next in line to take over as manager if Rowson goes rogue is Billy Hatcher.
Conley sticks a curve ball on the inside corner. Then peppers the outside of the plate three times, all fouled off by Conforto. This at-bat is toast. Here comes the 11th. And here comes the curve ball that Conforto is going to flail at with the bases loaded.
One thing … it hit him in the back.
The Mets gathered to mob Conforto. They would have ripped his jersey off but after this game they were afraid that they would mistakenly open up a portal into a black hole or something. They all just looked at each other as if to ask what the hell just happened. Meanwhile, Mattingly went on his way to a post-game news conference where he will undoubtedly say something about D.J. Reyburn’s mother. The Mets sit at 15-9 with Jacob deGrom toeing the slab.
Today’s Hate List
- Adam Conley
- Francisco Cervelli
- Don Mattingly
- Jesus Aguilar
- Jon Berti
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