Dancing Like the NyQuil Monkeys

Quick, somebody teach Hisanori Takahashi how to throw a knuckleball.

Apparently, the Mets have unwittingly stumbled upon the secret on how to deal with the Phillies lineup: throw ’em knuckleballs.  They couldn’t deal with Tim Wakefield, and they couldn’t deal with our own Robert Alan Dickey (not to be confused with Rodney Allen Rippey) on Tuesday night.  Now if the Mets can find a way to sign Eri Yoshida and convince Wilbur Wood to make a comeback at the age of 68 (or perhaps bring Matt Franco back to pitch again), they’ll be in business for the rest of this series with Philadelphia.

Dickey throwing that knuckleball is kinda like making the Phillies hit against a conventional pitcher after everybody in their lineup overdoses on NyQuil.  It’s hard to swing a wooden slab at a round projectile while you’re trying to high-five imaginary monkeys.  That’s what hitting a knuckleball is like these days for the Phillies.  Now if the Mets ever teach a lefty that pitch (like Takahashi, perhaps) maybe Chase Utley will spin himself into the ground so fast that he’ll end up in Australia only to get mauled by an Aussie Rules Football team.  That would be kinda cool.

So Dickey pitches six strong innings. (I asked for 18 outs, I got exactly 18 freakin’ outs.  Next I will ask for winning lottery numbers.)  And then Raul Valdes comes in and gets the final nine outs for the save.  I’ve figured out that if Valdes … who came from the Mexican league straight to a spring training game without anybody knowing who he is and is now an important part of this bullpen … is the Mets’ version of Rudy, then that makes Oliver Perez the Mets’ version of Jamie O’Hara … who had all the talent in the world in that movie but got demoted to the practice squad.

Meanwhile, Jose Reyes had three hits, scored three runs, stole two bases, and even smiled on the basepaths which caused Charlie Manuel to file a formal complaint with the league office.  All in all, it’s a good sign for the Mets going forward … except that Manuel thinks they stole it.

So take heed, Hisanori.  As of now, you have 14 hours to not only learn, but master a knuckleball.  And throw it for strikes.  Ready … go!