Slogans Are For Suckers

I can remember the days when Prevention and Recovery wasn’t just a slogan.  It was like having two new employees that were going to turn the company around with their revolutionary ideas and their out of the box thinking.  Hell, they got the corner offices with the view.  Dressed to the nines in nothing but Armani, they ruled the roost as they implemented their plan with zero negotiation and the force of a thousand wrecking balls behind it.  They were ruthless but they got the job done.

But when we needed them most, where were they?  Turns out Prevention was spotted in the back of a warehouse doing bong hits with one of Billy Hatcher’s hollowed out cork bats, while Recovery was found at the Lincoln Motor Inn freebasing bacon sauce from the Box Frites.

Yes, we needed Prevention and Recovery the most when it came to Jose Reyes and his strained oblique which was keeping him from batting lefty.  But while they were off getting high, Reyes’ oblique got worse on a slide back to second on Friday which, let’s face it, if I’m spotting it, then it shouldn’t be that hard to spot.  Then it got significantly worse on a throw to first base during Saturday’s loss which forced him to leave a game that already featured a listless offense with him in it … all after he was told that “it couldn’t get worse”.  Hasn’t anybody learned anything?  It always gets worse.  Always!  When the training staff is more concerned with the umpire staying hydrated then the long term health of their star (it was David Wright that alerted the bench), that’s a problem.  Reyes wants to gut it out and be a gamer, but Prevention and Recovery weren’t around to save him from himself because they’re getting high.  That’s the only way I can explain it.  The only thing missing was a freakin’ cortisone shot.

And now, Jose Reyes is out for the near future (surgery’s on Thursday), the Braves are leaving the Mets in their dust, and Josh Thole has gone from being involved in Cliff Lee rumors to being mentioned in Ted Lilly rumors.  That’s a worse stock drop than anything seen in the recession.  And by the way, if a Thole for Teddy trade were to happen, I’ll strangle Omar Minaya with my bare hands.

My bare hands.

Not to mention the Phillies have three walk off wins in the last three days, including one win where they were losing 7-1 in the ninth, another win where the opposing pitcher carried a perfect game into the ninth, and all three in extra innings.  They’re getting back to being that marauding group of criminals who break in to your house, drink your beer and have their way with your women … but before that they digitally lubricate themselves with your Shedd’s Spread without telling you.

And they leave the cover slightly off.  I hate that.