Try a Little Tenderness

I seem to recall a certain announcing group … for argument’s sake we’ll call them Larry, Heath and Don … all aglow about the seemingly fast return to health of a certain center fielder.  “Oh how he’s healed so quickly in the minors”, they would exclaim.  “Well that is because the injury was caught quick” the other would answer.  I heard this and felt faint.  I had to sit down.  Surely this can’t be my baseball team they were talking about.  It wasn’t possible.  The room starting spinning.  Colors were more intense.  The air tasted like garlic sauce.  I needed fresh air …

Well I feel much better today, because that quick healing of Angel Pagan in the minors was merely a mirage, as he’s flown back to New York for tests to examine tenderness on his left side.  Now while the ladies dig a guy who has a tender side, they don’t dig a guy whose tender side keeps them on the disabled list.  But at least things are back to normal with the Mets … long injuries, extended spring training … that’s what I’m used to anyway.  Besides, it isn’t like Pagan was contributing much.  Hey, look at what his replacement did tonight … Jason Pridie hit another three run bomb at Citi Field on Friday and covered ground in the outfield like a … wait for it … pride of lions would.  (Pride? Pridie? Can’t spell pride without Pridie? Ooh, I just pulled an oblique reaching for that.)  Anywho … the Mets triumphed 6-3 over the Dodgers in game one of the battle to see who can bounce more curveballs and less checks.  Jason Pridie, meanwhile, makes sure that Pagan can make his rehab more leisurely.

One request though, can we please get Tim Byrdak into a game already?  I know, I know.  He’s kinda brutal.  But he’s trying to sneak into games now.  I mean, Byrdak himself says it’s tough to not face that second hitter.  But he’s not even facing that first hitter anymore.  Andre Either was waiting for him.  But Byrdak isn’t even coming in to face Tony Gwynn Jr.  If you put him into a game now, he won’t be so quick to make a fool of himself and run in from the bullpen when nobody calls for him in the future.  If you don’t, he’s going to go all Kanye West and steal the ball from Mike O’Connor and say “look, I’m gonna let you face this hitter, but Ike Davis has the best walk up music of all time.”

Look at him, he’s even got a whole new mustache that he’s dying to try to intimidate people with.  It looks more like Rob Reiner’s fake mustache when he was Sheldn in The Odd Couple, but let him try.  He’s worked so hard on it.  Just let him pitch, Terry.  You don’t trust him against Carlos Gonzalez or Andre Either?  Okay, let’s start with Aaron Miles.  Or, bring him in for an intentional walk or something.  It’ll be the most scared anybody has ever been taking a free base.  Then if he does that right, we progress.  See?  Easy.

Worst thing about Friday’s game? Hey Juan Uribe, how about not doing the “ooh, I just got a hold a’one” bat flip on a routine fly ball to left field?  I thought the tying run was about to come up and the ball is about to fall harmlessly into Jason Bay’s glove.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pleased as punch with the outcome.  But I really didn’t need that “oh s**t” moment.  Bad enough Frankie will never have a 1-2-3 inning again in his life … I don’t need the added stress of another Justin Maxwell moment.  And if I get it, at least let the ball actually go over the wall and end me.  What Uribe did was thrust the knife towards my throat only to have it hit the floor under me.

Well good for Uribe.  He’s sad now.