Dead? Or Undead?

Dillon Gee said his body “felt dead” during Saturday night’s 4-2 loss to the Yankees, during which he surrendered three runs in seven innings. The right-hander did not mean that he was injured in any way — just that every time he returned to the dugout after pitching an inning, his body shut down like the outing was over.

Gee said the culprit might have been the cold air blowing from air conditioning in the visitors’ dugout at Yankee Stadium, which gave him problems even while wearing a jacket and towel.

“It was weird,” said Gee, who walked three leadoff batters in a four-inning span. “I felt great in the pen. I came out of the pen and almost felt like I couldn’t get warm after that. I was having trouble staying warm between innings. I was up, walking around, trying to move around and stay warm. I just couldn’t get loose each and every inning.”

So either the Yankees turned up the air conditioning in the visitors dugout to stiffen up the Mets on purpose (not completely out of the realm), or the visitors dugout is haunted by ghosts. Also, not out of the realm of possibility. Maybe Wally Pipp is haunting it. Or Tom Tresh. Or worse … Dillon Gee’s old goatee. If there are indeed evil spirits making the Yankee dugout cold, perhaps they can scare the Mets into, oh … I don’t know, hitting the damn ball? Because if Dillon Gee felt dead (seven innings, three runs, five hits, three walks, one home run given up), I wonder how the Mets lineup has felt the last couple of days. Completely decomposed, maybe?

And speaking of completely decomposed, look who walks in the room but Jason Bay. Is there a room with shiny objects and root beer shakes that we can put Bay in where he’s distracted enough not to realize that the Mets have gone to St. Petersburg without him? Crissakes when Omar Quintanilla is your secondary offensive force, then maybe it’s time to exorcise whatever is living (or dying) in the Mets’ bat rack. And when your end of game options are Scott Hairston against a righty or Jordany Valdespin against a pitcher with an arm, then maybe it’s time for us to turn the air conditioners up full blast in our own apartments and just let the ghosts run the show for a while. Can’t be much worse than what we’ve seen since Monday. And it isn’t going to be much worse than seeing the Empire State Building lit up in Yankee colors this week. Back to the nether world with you, Tom Tresh.