Equality Is Not Created Equal

Tuesday was a day that we celebrated equality.

Of course, the Mets took that to mean that all players have the equal right to be injured, and that no man shall be excluded from the disabled list on the basis of WHIP, average, or OPS.

Every Met on the roster is making a bid to be on the DL by Opening Day. Some will make it. Some will not. But all will prove that they have equal ability to make the list. In addition to Johan Santana being on the shelf until the next Pope is elected, David Wright and Daniel Murphy playing in minor league games, Shaun Marcum decided to double down on his cortisone shot he took in his shoulder and is now taking anti-inflammatories for his neck which might put him on the disabled list. Not to be outdone, Jenrry Mejia will be completely shut down for two weeks because he has elbow inflammation. And as if the Mets don't have enough starting pitchers hurt, pissed, both, or in Toronto, Jeremy Hefner got hit in the right elbow by a grounder from Carlos "Blame" Beltran on Tuesday. Luckily, Hefner has only a bruise. But you know the Met progression:

@metstradamus yeah generally there's a whole injury routine. Cramps to bone bruise to fracture to torn ligament just discovered in humans

— Ryan Keohane (@ryankobayashi) March 24, 2013

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Hefner's injury, much like Matt den Dekker's injury, sent the Mets on a death spiral in their spring game, as minor leaguer Randy Fontanez (which is like Willie Montanez with an expletive) faced seven batters and somehow gave up 45 hits, including grand slams to Peter Kozma, Darrell Porter, Frankie Frisch and Gabby Street. Lucas Duda was a bright spot with his fifth home run of the spring tucked between three hits and four RBI. His hot streak seems to be staving off the push in favor of somebody with the range of a sedentary rock to replace him. This could only mean that Duda will be the first Met this season to have an injury report which includes the words "just discovered in humans". Because why can't Duda enjoy the disabled list like everybody else and enjoy the same equality as the rest of his teammates?