These Aren’t The Warriors You’re Looking For

The Golden State Warriors are the defending NBA Champions. They went 73-9 to set an NBA record this past regular season. And they are currently one win away from winning a second straight title. So when you look at how they do things, there has to be a lot of good things that any sports organization can emulate when looking at them.

So of course it would be the freakin’ Mets that would replicate two of the worst ideas the Warriors have dreamed up. First: Steph Curry’s white shoes, copied by Friday’s starter, Matt Harvey. Now Curry went something like 24-0 in the kicks before the finals, but they’re shoes your dad would wear to pick you up and apparently, a lot of people hate these thing. Harvey, after three good starts went with white cleats for the game either thinking he’s Curry or Joe Namath. He probably would have done better with the orange freaks he wore during the All-Star Game. White cleats and Harvey? It equals four runs given up in six innings to the Atlanta Braves who have the worst record in the National League. And probably some behind the times wise ass screaming “what are those!!!” in the parking lot.

(Or it could have been because he pitched badly. Save your logic.)

Now, let’s juxtapose this with what John Gant did. Gant, you may remember, was traded last year from the Mets to the Braves in a deal that brought back Juan Uribe and the first incarnation of Kelly Johnson. Gant had not had a major league victory, and was struggling coming into the game. So let’s play a game of “Who Was Right?”

Next two days, Mets get John Gant (5.63), Aaron Blair (7.59). Those type of pitchers –like Locke/Nicasio — fix hitting woes.

— Matt Ehalt (@MattEhalt) June 17, 2016

https://twitter.com/maggie162/status/743804858483023876

If you said the second one, you’ve obviously been a Met fan for 40 years. So have a drink in celebration and commiseration, and make it a double because you were right. The Mets could only hope to have as many doubles as you’ll want to drink tonight. They settled for two off of Gant, and they were the only two hits the Mets got off him. Worse than that is Gant’s delivery, which looks like the baseball version of Piston Hurricane, where you have to swing the bat when his eyes turn yellow so that you’re not distracted by all of his extraneous moves.

The seventh and eighth brought the inevitable teases, where the Mets had bases loaded with Wilmer Flores up in the seventh against Hunter Cervenka … which sounds like a Slovakian beer, and first and second in the eighth with Michael Conforto up against Jim Johnson who has been as terrible as I would think Slovakian beer would taste. One hit with a runner in scoring position against either of these guys and the Mets are right back in the game. Of course … two strikeouts. (Though strike two to Flores was a travesty and it changed the whole at bat. Still.)

Then in the ninth, the cherry on top of the urine soaked sundae made from used motor oil crust and whatever leftovers were stuck in Jayson Werth’s beard: James Loney ends the game by getting called out for interference on a slide into the second baseman which featured the other failed playbook page from the Golden State Warriors: A groin shot to Jace Peterson’s jewels. So this is what the Mets co-opt: Not the athleticism, the great plays, the leadership … no. Swipes at the groin for no reason. That’s what we thought was a great idea. Outstanding. How about next a player tweets about how Mike Winters and Angel Hernandez are part of the illuminati so that Stephen A. Smith can go on a rant to ban Twitter from earth. This will complete the cycle of hell from sports that use round balls without dots.

Now let’s review: Tomorrow’s Braves starter is Aaron Blair. Here’s what the probable pitchers page on the Mets website says about him:

“Though he’s allowed at least six runs in three of his past five starts, Blair has been given at least one more start to prove himself.”

Now, what have you learned? You’ve learned that six runs in each of three starts means he becomes Steve Carlton on Saturday night. In front of a national television audience. In a six hour game that will have Andy Grammer start his post game concert at four in the morning. Oh, it’s good to be alive right about now.

Today’s Hate List

1. Freddie Freeman
2. Hunter Cervenka
3. Freddie Freeman again
4. Ryan Zimmerman
5. Dalton Blaser