Harsh Reality

Ever since they were old enough to play street hockey in the neighbourhood, or strap on a pair of skates and head to the local outdoor rink, kids everywhere had a dream of one day playing in the NHL. They’d head to the rink shortly after lunch, throw their sticks in a pile on the ice, start picking teams and would play until it was dark enough for the floodlights to come on and their toes and fingers were numb from the bitter Canadian winter. Then, exhausted but exilirated, they’d finally head home, knowing full well that their parents would be angry that it was so late but it didn’t matter, it was all they ever wanted to do.

Now fast forward 20 or 30 years and picture this in your head.

Let me set the scene for you…

One of those kids (who never actually made it to the NHL) is still a HUGE hockey fan – one that loves their team and follows their every move.

It’s Saturday night and it’s moments away from the start of Hockey Night in Canada. They walk down into their basement clad in their brand new orange Oilers jersey, with a beer (or six) in hand and ready themselves for 6 straight hours of hockey.

The walls are painted in Oilers colors and are adorned with autographed pictures of their favorite players. Jerseys are hung in the closet and along the walls with names of players, old and new, stitched onto the back. Even the classic, worn out Gretzky jersey they used to wear as a kid overtop of layers of clothing, but just can’t seem to part with because it holds so many memories.

On the table beside them is a laptop that they will use during the game to simultaneously begin writing up a fantastic article in order to share it on their website in the hopes of sparking a conversation with other Oilers fans.

On the other table is a cell phone or tablet that has the Twitter app open so that they can connect with their fellow Oilers fans on social media during the game.

Can you see it all? Did you picture it in your head?

Good, because here’s the real twist.

This fan…is me…and I (shocker) am a woman.

Now before you dismiss this article for fear of having to sit through a piece dedicated to “girl-power”, you need to know that this is definitely not the intent. I am about to get very real with you and regardless of whether you are male or female, this is something that you need to read.

As you likely already know, I am a very avid Twitter user. If it’s Oilers game night, you know exactly where to find me and can expect to scroll through my timeline basically getting a play by play of the game. I enjoy the constant conversations that are ignited with other passionate, long-time fans and I enjoy sharing my opinions whether they are well received or not.

The other day, I had a follower comment on a tweet I had made a year ago. I have managed to log about 75,000 tweets – so forgive me – but I vaguely remember what I said a year ago. However, I was reminded by said follower that it was something along the lines of cursing every former Oiler that sucked in Edmonton and went on to become a better player elsewhere.

For the purposes of this article, this particular follower will be formally referred to as Richard – even though the shortened version of that name is more appropriate.

Richard disagreed with what I had to say and asked me to name a few of the players that had gone on to be better elsewhere because he thought I was wrong and believed that there weren’t any. I was at work at the time, and dismissed him saying that I was too busy. He kept pursuing the issue and I told him that I was busy working two jobs and didn’t have the time to argue with him at that moment nor would I have time later on that day.

That’s when things turned ugly.

Richard went into full attack mode. He told me I was stupid and that’s why I had to work two jobs. He told me I’d never amount to anything in life. He called me an idiot and began to negatively and harshly comment on my physical appearance. Then he began throwing jabs at my personal life. This continued for a couple of hours.

Now, those who know me, know that I’m not one to back down from a healthy debate but this was not one of those times and it was clear he was looking for a response. Against my better judgement, I’d had enough and I replied. Not politely either.

Now many of you say things like “it’s better to just block him and move on”, “don’t feed the trolls”, “let him look like the asshole”.

This is good advice – but men (and I use that term loosely) attacking female sports fans and/or writers has become a common theme on social media and I reserve the right to defend myself.

If Richard had been standing across the room from me as opposed to hiding behind his keyboard, he likely would have never said those things to my face. So why is it ok to say it on social media? The answer….it’s NOT OK and it never will be!

For the record, I’m certainly not about to paint every man with the same brush because for the most part, the people that I interact with don’t care that I’m a woman. They value my opinions, they treat me with respect and they enjoy reading the articles that I write. To THOSE men, I say thank you. You are what keeps me holding onto that tiny little thread of faith I have in humanity.

Now let’s get right down to it.

This is harassment. It’s bullying. It’s sexist. It’s downright disgusting.

I find it extremely alarming that in the year 2015, this kind of behavior still happens. What’s even more disturbing is that people try to soothe the anger you feel by telling you to brush it off or let it go.

Let me tell you gents…it doesn’t matter how mentally or emotionally tough you are, or how much you know that in the grand scheme of things, people like Richard mean absolutely nothing – those comments, those personal attacks – they don’t just go away. They stick in your head, they hurt, and they chip away at your self confidence.

I have seen countless smart and funny hockey or sports comments from women and they are bang on. I have read articles from women that know the game better than most men. I have seen those same women get reduced to dirt because some idiot decided that it would be a good idea to start harassing her simply because they disagreed with her opinion.

I thought to myself, if she were a man or even pretended to be a man, that type of harassment would never happen. The idiot would simply disagree and maybe throw a few barbs out there and that would be the end of it.

So I decided to test my theory. I created a male alias. It’s been around for a few months and you’ve likely conversed with me. This alias is not on Twitter, but is just as a person that would comment on certain blogs or websites and on Facebook – and in turn, I (as a woman) would mirror those comments on social media. The responses that I received were astoundingly different.

On social media, in my fabulous female form, I would have people agree, but the people that disagreed were harsh, rude and would go straight for the jugular – aka my physical appearance. On the websites and on Facebook in my masculine form, I had some people agree, but the people that had a different opinion would simply just disagree. We’d throw a few comments back and forth and that was that.

I don’t know what it will take to make people realize that regardless of gender, a fan is a fan. You don’t have to agree with what I say, but you do have to respect the fact that I have the proverbial balls to say it to a group of hockey crazed men, in a fan base that seems to think they know it all, knowing full well the risks that go along with that. I have the right to express my opinion, that’s what social media is all about. What I don’t have to stand for is being harassed or bullied by someone that thinks they know better.

How do we fix this?

It starts with other women. We, as females, have a duty to support each other. There are ladies out there that will dislike what you have to say, they will mock the pictures that you post, they will purposely NOT comment or participate in things simply because it’s you. Some of it stems from jealousy but mostly I think that women have a hard time supporting each other for fear of getting involved and harassed themselves.

If a woman posts a picture of herself, throw a positive comment at her. If she says something about hockey, get involved in the conversation and let her know that her opinion is valid – even if you disagree. We cannot expect men to treat us with respect if we can’t even respect each other.

Secondly, when a woman (or anyone for that matter) is being bullied online – social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter need to take it seriously. When Richard was continually harassing me, I reported him to Twitter. They sent me an email and asked me for more information so I copied a number of his horrible comments and pasted them in the email. They responded to me, saying that they didn’t feel as though it was considered harassment, and that no action would be taken. So this jerk continued to tweet at other people, trolling women, men and sports organizations.

Those of you that saw the comments that Richard aimed towards me knew that it was full on harassment. Some of you even responded to him telling him it was uncalled for.

So Twitter…I ask you…what the hell do YOU consider harassment if that wasn’t it?

Lastly…it’s you boys. If you see a woman getting harassed – step in. Don’t just watch it unfold and tell her to get over it or forget it. Report it. If several people are reporting the same person for the same thing – it can’t be ignored.

If it was your wife or your daughter, you certainly wouldn’t let it slide and by ignoring it, you allow people like Richard to continue to do it and someone close to you could very well be the next target.

To the people that stood up for me that day and sent me messages asking if I was ok afterwards – thank you. I am a passionate fan, I love to write about hockey and debate and discuss the Oilers with my fellow fans. I should not be treated any differently because I’m a woman and the fact that I even felt the need to share this story with you shows you how much it bothered me. I’m a strong girl and I can handle the negative feedback on my opinions but I should never have to undergo personal attacks just because someone doesn’t like what I have to say.

I know this was a rather long winded article, but if I can sway just one person to think differently, and help people realize that behind my online persona is an actual person with feelings and emotions….then perhaps I have made a difference.

Thank you for reading.