A Cornucopia Of Suck

Mets Fans 2 AI

When someone inevitably asks me to tell them the story of the 2023 Mets (which will come in the form of “Hey! Wut happened wit da Mets dis yeuh?” I’m going to show them Wednesday’s loss for three hours.

(Editor’s note: I know the game was 3:32, but I’ll cut out the commercials. I’m not a monster.)

This game had the entire cornucopia of suck. It led off with the signature “score no runs after loading the bases with nobody out”, but in new “umpire flavor”. Pete Alonso check swung a tapper back to Luis Garcia, who threw home for the first out. The catcher threw the ball to Katy, but Alonso was called out for running out of the baseline, because of course he was called out for running out of the baseline! The inning ended harmlessly, and the Astros scored two runs in the bottom of the first.

Here I’m thinking it’s going to be quick and painless. But the Mets fought through … and multiple times. They took a 4-2 lead in the third on a Vogelbach double, but the Astros then took a 6-4 lead. Then Vogelbach tied the game at 6-6 with a two run double, but the Astros pulled ahead 9-6. Pete Alonso brought the Mets to within 9-8 with a home run, but the Astros scored to make it 10-8 and left the Mets for dead.

But to paraphrase Felix Unger in the Odd Couple episode “Take My Furniture, Please”, I’m sure you’ve heard the expression in your life, at some time or other, “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” The Mets have tried many ways to let me know that this season was a lost cause. Just today: they’ve tried running out of the baseline, they’ve tried catcher’s interference, they’ve even tried an injury to a pitcher on a comebacker. All in the same game. They finally succeeded with the old standby: bad pitching.

Gare said it during today’s game: “There’s no cure for bad pitching.” He’s absoutely right. Tylor Megill is just like the rest of them: They follow a good outing with two horrific ones. Dominic Leone is really trying hard to be lightning in a bottle, but some days … like today … he’s going to break the bottle over your head with bad location. They’re far from the only problems on the pitching staff, as you know.

We’re learning this season that we were spoiled for about ten years. Even when we complained about the alleged “five aces” not being able to survive more than one turn together in the rotation, the Mets still had Matt Harvey, Zack Wheeler, Jacob deGrom, Noah Syndergaard, and Steven Matz come up through their system within a span of three years. One of those guys won two Cy Youngs. One of those guys had the only World Series win for the Mets in 22 years. One of those guys started an elimination game in that World Series and went eight superb innings. And another one of those guys finished second in the Cy Young voting! Granted it was for the Phillies because Jeff Wilpon is f*cking broke, but still.

Now? Maybe we’ll see Blade Tidwell in three years. Or how does Mike Vasil grab you?

A Cornucopia Of Suck

And this is why Steve Cohen plunked money into Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander through next season … because there is nobody on their way up, and because Jerry F*cking Reinsdorf would want Francisco Alvarez and Brett Baty for Lance Lynn. That’s why they went out and got Carlos Carrasco as a kicker in the Lindor trade. That’s why they signed Kodai Senga and Jose Quintana to round out the rotation. That’s why they hoped and prayed that Megill and David Peterson would continue to improve. All reasonable moves and reasonable requests. And while it certainly could have been a lot worse, it’s not good enough this season because none of these guys has done the job with any level of consistency. Until they do, we’re stuck where we are.

And there are no Matt Harveys, no Zack Wheelers, no Jacob deGroms, no Noah Syndergaards that are banging on the door to get up here. So, you’re going to have idiotic days like today where you lose a series to a team without Yordan Alvarez but you get victimized by the likes of Mauricio Dubon.

There’s no cure for bad pitching. But hopefully there’s a sedative.

Today’s Hate List

  1. Shane Victorino
  2. Mauricio Dubon
  3. Chas McCormick
  4. Larry Andersen
  5. Pete Incaviglia
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