A Hefner Day Miracle

Christmas comes but once a year. Hefner Day comes once every fifth day. Hefner Day, an off-shoot of Harvey Day (or Matt Jones Day if you’re from the Kansas City sect of the religion), is kind of like Festivus. There is an Airing of Grievances (usually on Twitter), and there are feats of strength (opposing batters knocking Hefner pitches into next week). There aren’t usually Hefner Day Miracles, but on Wednesday, May 29th 2013, the Hefner Day Miracle happened in the form of an easily explainable event: a win.

And a comfortable win at that, a 9-4 thrashing of the New York Yankees where the Mets scored five runs for Hefner in the first thanks in part to a huge error by Jayson Nix and a two run single by Ike Davis (yes, that Ike Davis), and never looked back after knocking David Phelps out of the box. The only feat of strength that happened for the Mets was Marlon Byrd parking one into the right field stands on a hop off the top of the wall. It was more like a feat of relative strength helped along by playing baseball in a studio apartment. (I don’t know what was worse, the Byrd home run of the Travis Hafner rolling single to the wall.)

Hefner himself was quality, as in quality start. Six innings, three runs, five K’s and zero walks against a Yankee lineup that featured Reid Brignac … which is to say nobody should be losing to these guys, ever. (Yet in the supposedly tough A.L. East they’re still only a game out of first place.) But give Hefner credit for not only this game, but for being on the fringes of steadyness every other start. He hasn’t been great, but he hasn’t made me want to take the Festivus pole and impale myself with it. This is an accomplishment. And he was finally rewarded with a victory, and an escape from conversations that put his name in with Anthony Young‘s.

The Airing of Grievances (you mean besides this entire blog that I’ve put together) for this Hefner Day centered around Ruben Tejada. After Tuesday’s game where he got picked off and caught not going after a ball up the middle, he was punished not with a demotion … which is the hot rumor, but with a spot batting leadoff. (Accountability? It’s as scarce as days off for Scott Rice.) Then Tejada, who started the five run rally in the first inning, made another bonehead play as he let a runner reached first base on a ground ball right to him because he was preoccupied with a runner on third base with a seven run lead.

Tejada, surely staring demotion in the face, received somewhat of a break as he slid for a foul pop that he was nowhere near, and strained his quad. It’s almost like when the POW’s have to break the goalkeeper’s arm in Victory so that Sylvester Stallone can play goal and help the team escape. Tejada goes and “strains his quad” so that he can spend his exile on the disabled list so he can continue to get that major league meal money.

(Either that or Tejada saw the soccer lines on the field and tried to slide tackle Mike Baxter.)

But the Mets now have a three game winning streak against the Yankees, and four overall. Wednesday’s latest victory came on the heels of a report that Jeff Wilpon wished Mariano Rivera well while putting his foot in his mouth.

Jeff Wilpon to Mariano Rivera: “I wish we could see you in the World Series, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen.” #mets #yankees

— Adam Rubin (@AdamRubinESPN) May 28, 2013

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What Jeff actually meant to say was “I wish we could see you in the World Series, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen because Lyle Overbay is your clean-up hitter and you have a guy in your bullpen named Preston Claiborne which sounds like his family made their fortune investing in US Steel.” But he was being nice. The crime that Wilpon committed wasn’t what he said, but that he speaks at all. Just go away and star in your own personal Harlem Shake video while Marlon Byrd shows you how its done:

Byrd: “The big thing is trying to get to the playoffs. That’s our goal.” #mets

— Mike Kerwick (@mikekerwick) May 30, 2013

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Yeah, I’m not sure that’s going to happen. But who is sure about anything in life? So good for you Marlon. Maybe you’re the one who should have presented Mariano with the fire hose. (You probably would have dropped it, but still.) The road to Marlon Byrd’s playoffs continue on Thursday, when the Mets try to sweep their second two game set in a row against the Yankees. The last time the Mets had a chance to sweep the Yankees in the Bronx, Braden Looper blew a save against Jason Giambi and saved Joe Torre’s job. Luckily, Looper is nowhere near New York City, and Jason Giambi is too busy in Cleveland being old. So I like their chances.