All I Want For Christmas is for Larry Jones to [Censored] Retire, Already

Seriously. That’s all I want. I mean, doesn’t Larry’s family miss him terribly after all these years? Come on, Larry. It’s time for new adventures. Doesn’t beating the Mets over and over again get stale after all these seasons?

Do you realize that Larry’s first career home run was a game winner against the Mets? It’s true. Happened in a time where gas was $.20 a gallon, and there was no internet, only Colecovision and board games like Monopoly and Sorry. And I think there was only two Star Wars movies out. And the biggest argument we were involved in as a country was “Ginger or Mary Ann”. And Larry’s been doing it to the Mets ever since … so much in fact that Larry is going to go into the Hall of Fame because Mets pitching existed. So really, does he really have any more to prove, especially after his latest death knell, a two out single in the eighth inning off R.A. Dickey driving in the only run of the game?

And what of the great motivational tactics of Terry Collins? One day after a 12-run barrage which came one day after Collins talked of a perception that his team folded up the tent, the Mets score nothing? Is the shelf life of a post game rant one day? Or, more accurately, the Mets scored 12 runs due to the fact that Derek Lowe, while still better than the corpse that is Oliver Perez’s career, is as rancid as that can of whipped cream that has been in your refrigerator for three years that you forgot about? (Check the lettuce crisper.) And perhaps that Tim Hudson is pretty good and can stop so-called momentum faster than you can say “Shingo Takatsu”?

Well, I look at the bright side: With this loss to Atlanta, the Phillies couldn’t clinch their fifth straight division title with our help. The Mets have helped them enough over the last five months, and the last five seasons. It’s a small victory that comes from the latest “Death by Chipper“, which sounds like it could be the next Ben n’ Jerry’s flavor. And if it is, don’t be surprised if it has it’s own special stand at Citi Field.