David’s Eleven

It’s getting to the point, and it might be tonight, where David Wright sneaks back into Citi Field and brings the damn walls in himself. After hitting what would have been two home runs in a normal ballpark (or Central Park) but instead two doubles, I imagine Wright pulling off an after hours “adjustment” where he and, say, ten of his friends (because he can’t do it alone) bring the walls in themselves.

Wright, of course, is Clooney’s character. Jose Reyes is Cheadle in the truck. Willie Harris is Bernie Mac (can’t you see Harris reenact the hand moisturizer scene with a Citi Field ticket taker?) Ruben Tejada is Yen, Josh Thole is Damon, Justin Turner and Angel Pagan are the two guys that fight all the time, Lucas Duda is Saul, hell even Carlos Beltran can help out as Tishkoff, because they were both supposed to be exiled … Tishkoff by Terry Benedict, and Beltran by Fred Wilpon. Hey Wilpon can play Benedict. It’s perfect!

Daniel Murphy can be Livingston Dell (because he has a cast on his leg and can’t really do anything but sit in the hotel room … but would you be surprised if this “injury” was a rouse to deflect suspicion and that Murphy is indeed healthy enough to walk around and hack the door codes to get to the field?) And Jason Bay is Rusty. Because only Rusty’s character can slide ten feet wide of home plate and have the gall to argue that he was safe. It was so ridiculous that the only explanation could be that Bay was trying to distract somebody.

Bay would have ample reason to bring the fences in. Not to help his power numbers (unless the walls were in front of the shortstop), but to cut down on the ground he’d have to cover if he’s going to play center field next season. And if Murphy and Duda are your other outfielders, those walls are going to have to be moved in by about half. (UZR? Try WTF!) Then again, Bay did get three hits on Wednesday … and one of them was even hit sort of hard. And who needs closer walls when you have defense? Wright and Tejada made great plays in the ninth inning on Wednesday to preserve Bobby Parnell’s third save and a Mets win. The Mets have also called up Josh Satin so that he could be frustrated by the left field wall like everybody else (along with Josh Stinson, the Mets now lead the league in Joshes, and 700 foot doubles). Welcome to the bigs.