Distractions … We’ll Need More

Saturday was the first Mets game that meant nothing to nobody, as the Atlanta Braves had the division clinched by 3:47 PM. As it didn’t mean anything, the lure of Corey Oswalt vs. Austin Voth became exponentially less than what it already was. I’m sure the Baseball Gods were aware of that, as the game treated us to distractions by pigeons …

Do you think he prefers ranch or bbq seeds? pic.twitter.com/Bqut7RqGme

— Cut4 (@Cut4) September 22, 2018

… miniature umpires …

I can't handle this. pic.twitter.com/80Sn9Sq4SW

— Kate Feldman (@kateefeldman) September 22, 2018

… grown men in snuggies …

honestly such life goals pic.twitter.com/OOwz6LfTRG

— Shannon (@Miss_Met) September 22, 2018

Just when I think this job can’t get any better, we have a day like today. Kid ump and Snuggie Boys. I’ve peaked.

— Steve Gelbs (@SteveGelbs) September 22, 2018

… not to mention Keith Hernandez referencing a Frank Zappa album and Gary Cohen singing the Sanford and Son theme. Between worrying about whether the pigeon was going to get hit by a ground ball, watching the kid ump in the stands practicing his strike calls in full umpire regalia (he’s already better than Angel Hernandez), and wondering whether there were feeties on those onesies, it was the seventh inning before I realized there was a game going on.

I probably could’ve used a few more distractions, because once I refocused and realized there was an actual ballgame happening on the periphery of the circus, the Mets only had one infield hit, and it was the result of a defensive shift. So when the Mets were all said and done, they were one defensive shift away from being no-hit by Voth (11.81), Matt Grace (2.91), Justin Miller (3.83), Jimmy Cordero (7.71), and Austen Williams (5.63). This is the portion of the season where I try to convince myself the same thing I try to convince everybody else: September baseball doesn’t matter. Because if this game actually mattered, it would be a rough one to take. With the Mets playing actual major leaguers and not September callups outside of Jack Reinheimer (because the Mets’ bench consists of catchers), it still wasn’t a smooth elixir to swallow. But since it means absolutely nothing, I’m going to try to remember the good times. The pigeon. The little umpire. The onesies. Steve Gelbs. And Streetbeater.

We need more distractions like this until next Sunday.

Today’s Hate List

1. Austin Voth
2. Matt Grace
3. Justin Miller
4. Jimmy Cordero
5. Austen Williams