Okay. It's 3:30 in the morning, and for some stupid reason I'm watching Tuesday's Mets loss … a game in which I knew going in that they scored zero runs. As much as I want to analyze this game fairly and give an honest assessment of what is wrong with the Mets, the first question I have to ask is … what the hell is wrong with me watching this stupid team play this stupid game at 3:30 in the f*cking morning???
Also, I had a few paragraphs written on this game, and it got wiped out due to stupidity. So I'm trying again. The stuff I previously wrote probably sucked. But it was still better than anything that Ike Davis has done on the field this season. Still … I only meant to watch the top of the first inning so that I could skewer the Mets on that alone. It's 3:35 and I've actually made it to the top of the eighth. There's something seriously wrong with me. I was told recently that if I write a book, it should be a self-help book … on how to deal with being a Mets fan. How the hell can I help anybody when I don't even know how to turn away from a game that might be the polar opposite of what is exciting and thrilling about baseball? This game could put an insomniac to sleep, and I've actually watched seven full innings of this garbage, and have written two separate blogs about it. At three in the morning. I'd have more fun performing self acupuncture with butter knives than I am watching Ike Davis suck and Lucas Duda roam the outfield like a water buffalo stuck in a cement mixer. Oh, and Daniel Murphy batting leadoff because Michael Bourn chose to make his living in Cleveland. But hey, Rick Ankiel!!! What the f**k is wrong with me watching this horrible team play horrible baseball at damn near four in the morning? Especially when I have to wake up soon so I can go see Matt Harvey lose a 1-0 game because this team can't hit. I'm the guy that's going to write a self-help book? Here's how late it is and how screwed up I am: Every time I go to type the word "write", I end up typing "wright". Every … single … time. And I'm going to help people??? Self help from the man who can't help himself? Oh look, Devin Mesoraco just hit the freakin' moon!
You want self-help? Here it is: This team will kill me one day. Don't let them kill you.
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