Just Like The Movies

If Taylor Lautner is ever going to cut his chops as a real actor, he knows that he needs to stop with this vampire stuff and segue into more serious work … work that’s real. So of course as he was in PNC Park during Sunday’s game to film his next movie, the characters had to be based in realism. Attention to detail, as you know, is crucial … especially in a movie set in a ballpark based on realism. So … run support for Johan Santana? Audiences across the country would see right through that.

Heck, the vampires are more realistic than the Mets scoring runs.

Now don’t mistake Taylor Lautner for Tim Laudner, because Taylor might look more like Joe Mauer. But even though Lautner probably can’t hit as well as Mauer, Taylor and Rod Barajas at this point might be a tossup with the way Barajas was going before his injury. And now, Barajas is off to Hollywood to play for the Dodgers, and probably rub elbows with Lautner at some red carpet somewhere while wearing a Team Jacob t-shirt under his tuxedo.

Of course, it was Barajas’ dream to play with L.A. (It’s very rare for anyone to dream about playing here.  One who did have that dream, went to play with Mauer, and the other one was traded to the Yankees.) And as he was getting ready to live the dream, one unnamed Met slipped some Freud on us:

Morale low here. One Met, watching Barajas say goodbyes, half-jokes “Can I go with him?”

Now, I know this happened before Sunday’s loss, but considering all the bountiful run support he gets, would anybody blame him if the unnamed Met was Johan? I mean, if I were him I’d be hiding in Barajas’ luggage.  But then again, if I were any of them I’d wrap his chest protector around me and hope to be picked up and put in the gym bag.  So who the hell knows who this unnamed Met was.  Does it matter?  It’s just another small but noticeable sign that the players in that room aren’t in total belief that “the run is coming”, as our fearless leader wishes upon a star and three clicks of his spikes.  The wool over everyone’s eyes isn’t as opaque as people think it is.  Just another example that there should be some real, sweeping changes happening here, right?  Instead, we’ll all close our eyes and hope it goes away … that it will be forgotten about next spring training because it’s spring training and hope springs freakin’ eternal.

Oh, and my crack Hollywood gossip staff is telling me that Lautner starts production on a new movie next month.  It’s called “My Life in a Hospital”, where he portrays Fernando Martinez while Conan O’Brien plays Justin Turner.  “Team Fernando” and “Team Justin” t-shirts hit stores next April.