You know, everybody is making a big deal about Tim Tebow throwing for 316 yards for the Broncos in their playoff game against the Steelers, and how this is more than mere coincidence. Well, consider the following:
In 2003, Vance Wilson’s OPS? .666
In 1992, Howard Johnson’s OPS? .666
In 1978, the entire Mets team’s OPS? .666
This could only mean that Wilson, Johnson, and the entire 1978 Mets roster were sent by Satan to cause havoc on Earth. And cause havoc they did … at least in Flushing. Those three teams … 2003, 1992, and 1978 … had a combined record of 204-281 (along with 66 wins in two of those seasons). This may very well mean that Satan needs to find better minions. But if you still think this is all mere “coincidence”, consider that in games that he played in for the Mets, Angel Pagan … that’s Pagan … had a record of 181-212. Now, add 204 wins, 281 losses, and 181 wins. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
So in conclusion: Jesus is a Broncos fan, the Mets are the official team of Satan, and I have too much f***ing time on my hands. But I’ll bet you’ll never get statistical analysis quite like that from Tim Kurkjian.
(Editor’s note: In 2008, Vance Wilson was kind enough to sign an autograph and take a picture with me. At no time during this process did he grow horns, torture souls, eat babies, set anything on fire, or try to take over Earth in the name of Satan.)
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