Mickey Callaway’s Very Special Valentine’s Day Message: Dry Humping Is A Problem

Oh yeah, you clicked on that headline. I’m sure you enjoyed it too.

And I know you’re hoping for a certain meaning to this, since you figured that because Mickey Callaway loves everybody so dry humping must mean something dirty on Valentine’s Day. But it really doesn’t, despite the fact that you’re probably picturing Darryl Strawberry with a ball girl at this point. Let twitter explain:

for all y’all are making jokes about Mickey Callaway’s dry humping, the reason he said that is because Collins and Warthen were both notorious for doing that and it was a constant grumble about them

— Jarrett Seidler (@jaseidler) February 14, 2018

Well okay, but that’s not going to stop the jokes. In fact, it’s just going to add some disturbing scenes to my nightmares. Thanks, dude.

Let’s let Mickey himself explain:

Mickey Callaway Solemnly Swears He Will Not Dry Hump His Pitchers pic.twitter.com/c1jHpfw4SM

— Meditations in Panic City (@MedInPanicCity) February 14, 2018

I don’t know if that really explained it without context either, so allow me to explain: “Dry humping” is actually baseball vernacular for warming up pitchers and not bringing them into the game. And yes, that’s a problem. I may totally be making this up, but I can remember Hansel Robles warming up, by rough count, eleventy billion times before coming into a game and giving up a home run that just recently landed on Shaun White’s head at the Olympics. (Maybe it wasn’t Robles, but it’s just easy to blame him.) But Captain Obvious says that less dry humping should be an integral part of any manager’s/pitching coach’s strategy to keep their pitchers from being out of gas by July. This, in conjunction with whatever voodoo that Callaway is using to keep Mets pitchers healthy is more than welcome, and at least it shows that Callaway is detail oriented.

Now let’s hope that’s the only dry humping we hear about in the clubhouse this season.

Happy Valentine’s Day @mrsmet.

— Noah Syndergaard (@Noahsyndergaard) February 15, 2018

That’s a detail I don’t need.