Modeling

Days like Wednesday are the reason why Hot Stove season can be bad for your health.

Metsblog Godfather Matt Cerrone conjectured on a possible Ryan Braun trade to the Mets. This led to Matty being mentioned on the Milwaukee local news, and Milwaukee Telemundo (jealous!) This also lead to mass suicides and murders in places like Kew Gardens, Sheboygan, and Grand Junction, CO. In other words, everybody freaked out … and I'm not sure people realized why they were freaking out. It only proves that our fan base has a hair trigger explosion rate because the Mets haven't gotten people excited in a winter month since Anna Benson wore a low cut dress to a holiday party.

All Matty said was that the Brewers were more inclined to trade Ryan Braun than Norichika Aoki. Now, we know that the Brewers scoffed at an Aoki for Ike Davis swap, and that they weren't thinking of trading Aoki at all. So being more inclined to trade Braun than Aoki is like saying "I'd rather stick needles in my eyeballs than shave my genitals with a running steel blade fan." Precede the statement with "put a gun to their heads", and I think you've got your context.

Matt also said that the Mets have had internal discussions about Ryan Braun. I hope they have internal discussions about every baseball player on earth. These conversations could range from "What would we have to give up to get this guy" to "Do you think the price would come down because of the 'roid scandal" to even "Do you think Ryan like Red Velvet cupcakes or do you think he's more of an Oreo guy?" Knowing the Mets, I'd lean towards the latter … especially if they're thinking of adding a cupcake stand to the Citi Field concourse (which will most likely be their next announcement to come an hour after declaring that "something's cooking".)

This is why I caution all of you fine people to take a breath … especially in November. Read your internet reports carefully. After that, take them with a few grains of salt. And then, know your rumor subject. If your rumor involves "Mets" and "Expensive Player", chances are this rumor is just that. Nothing Matt said is false. But society somehow turned it into "THE METS ARE TRADING FOR RYAN BRAUN!!!" Which only sets people like you and me up for disappointment. It proves that Hot Stove Season is maddening, and that society is rotting from the inside out.

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Now, here's where I contradict everything I just wrote:

Mets dealing with "sticker shock" on free agents. Thought they could get Peralta on a two-year deal, but he wants at least three years.

— Mike Puma (@NYPost_Mets) November 20, 2013

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But wait a second, what the hell happened to the "Red Sox Model"? You know, the one where they signed Shane Victorino to a three year deal? And the one where Mike Napoli would have had a three year deal had he not been hurt?

Sticker Shock? Ballplayers wanting money and long term security is shocking?

Just sign Willie Bloomquist and get it over with.