Orphans … Orphans With Diseases

I have figured out who the Mets are: They’re Kenneth, the bad ass mail clerk with a heart of gold.

Most days, they’re the guy who threatens to slice you if you get any closer, and you’re just completely pissed off. But on days like Sunday, they’re the badass who just gave half their paycheck to orphans … orphans with diseases. And as you look over, a smile takes over your face and you nod approvingly.

The Mets hit four home runs on Sunday, which would pleasantly surprise you in much the same way that Kenneth surprises you when you find out that a man that carries a weapon and generally hates people has a soft spot for orphans with diseases. When it’s Curtis Granderson with two and Eric Campbell with another one, it makes the surprise that much more unexpected.

Jacob deGrom was excellent again as he struck out ten in seven innings while only giving up two earned runs, and overcoming the first inning error by Campbell which was the moment where Kenneth threatens to slice you and you think “gee, what a badass.” But I never worry about deGrom, as that’s the man who should be the Mets’ representative at the All-Star game in Cincinnati. It’s the offense that I worry about, and the thing that causes me to want to slice people. On Sunday they donated half their paycheck to orphans … orphans with diseases.

Today’s Hate List:

1. Jeff Kent: The Giants are coming to town, so the list has to be Jeff Kent right? Or is somebody going to ruin my fun and be all whiny and tell me how Jeff Kent is a Hall of Famer and that his start with the Mets shouldn’t cloud my judgement because look at his numbers and “oh get over it, it was 20 years ago”. Screw that, I hate the guy.