Our Long National Hot Take Is Over

So it looks like the Mets finally have somebody who can make decisions regarding the major league baseball team.

The Mets have offered Billy Eppler their general manager’s position, a source tells @TheAthletic.

— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) November 15, 2021

Billy Eppler is finalizing an agreement to be the new general manager of the New York Mets, sources tell ESPN. Eppler, 46, previously was GM of the Los Angeles Angels and spent 10 years with the Yankees, ascending to assistant GM. Mets finally have their guy. @JonHeyman on it.

— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) November 16, 2021

The way it was described to me is that Billy Eppler is nearing the finish line to become the #Mets GM. And here is 1 thing to keep in mind about the 2,000 pound gorilla in the room: 1 on of Eppler’s best friends in the game is David Stearns.

— Joel Sherman (@Joelsherman1) November 15, 2021

First off, western lowland adult male gorillas grow to weigh 374 lbs on average. But sure, keep body shaming gorillas, Joel.

Second, the whole thing with the Mets possibly waiting a year for David Stearns to be available is just weird. If the Athletic report is true and that the Mets are lying low for a year until Stearns’ contract runs out, then it could either lead to greatness … whether it be next season or this season if the Mets and Brewers are surreptitiously discussing compensation, or it could lead down the same path as the Knicks clearing cap space for LeBron James for two years only to come up with Amar’e Stoudemire and Landry Fields. And Eppler supposedly being good friends with Stearns is just going to lead to more stupid hot takes about Steve Cohen and we’re going to have to deal with months of the baseball equivalent of “is Mike White the future of the Jets” after the only good game he’ll ever have in his life wearing green.

But at least Eppler has done this before. And before you drag him about not winning anything with the Angels, I’m not sure Jesus could have done anything with that team after Arte Moreno insisted on paying Albert Pujols and Josh Hamliton the gross national product of Swaziland. I’m fine with giving him a clean slate, mostly because picking apart an incoming general manager’s flaws after dealing with Brodie Von Monorail and the leftovers in Jeff Wilpon’s fridge for the last three years is just exhausting. It’s especially exhausting after all the hot takes and the hot stove season becoming three months of a dog chasing its tail.

Get a manager, then get some players. Some good players, preferably. That’s really all I care about at this point. That, and making sure gorillas get treated with respect.