In need of a Laugh? PTMGD

This is a re-blog from Tuesday. I think we are all in need of a laugh concerning these Oilers.

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The last week in Oilerville has been a display of ineptitude that almost no one could have predicted. I turned off the Twitter, the Facebook, the big screen and whatever else I could for a couple days to limit the exposure to the galling nightmare that is unfolding before our eyes.

I’m suffering from Post Traumatic Multi-Goal Disorder and if you’re an Oilers’ fan, there is a good chance are you are to.

The team’s performance thus far has been the absolute farthest thing from pretty that anyone could describe. If I were to make an attempt at an apt description or comparison of the play of the Oilers (and I mean no offence by this) it would be that we have been watching a fire alarm in an unmanned psychiatric facility. It has been that bad.

If you believe you are suffering from PTMGD these are some of the symptoms you may have and should seek treatment for…

• Intrusive, upsetting memories of goals against
• Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
• Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things including the Steve Tabellini era)
• Feelings of intense distress when Devan Dubnyk or Jason Labarbera are in net
• Intense physical reactions to the early success of the Calgary Flames (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)
• Avoiding fans of other teams
• Questioning every call that Dallas Eakins makes
• Fantasies of causing bodily harm to Craig MacTavish, Kevin “6 rings” Lowe, Daryl Katz or any other member of the Oilers staff
• Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of hockey and winning
• Inability to remember important aspects of what makes a good hockey team
• Loss of interest in life, in general
• Feeling detached from the first overall picks, Jordan Eberle and Justin Schultz
• Emotionally numb towards anything happy or funny
• Sense of a limited future (you don’t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career or ever see the Oilers win again)
• Difficulty falling or staying asleep
• Difficulty listening to reason
• Irritability or outbursts of anger at people who try to stay positive during this mess
• Yelling or talking when you are alone
• Difficulty concentrating on everything because you are so consumed by the failure
• Excessive alcohol consumption
• Insufficient alcohol consumption
• Reduced sex drive
• Increased sex drive
• Thowing things that you normally wouldn’t throw
• Hypervigilance (on constant “red alert”)
• Feeling jumpy and easily startled

And a few additions in light of the last few days

• Thinking up RIDICULOUS trade offers involving Nail Yakupov
• Thinking up RIDICULOUS trade offers involving Ryan Nugent-Hopkins
• Temporary insanity stemming from some of the Facebook and Twitter rumours out there
• The feeling of being “swarmed” and then all of a sudden that feeling disappearing leaving you wide open to do as you please

PTMGD is no laughing matter. With it comes the risk of NEVER wanting to watch or attend an Oilers’ game ever again.

There may be other symptoms you are suffering from and if you are I urge you to share them with us here at The Oilers Rig so we can all start to heal together. That is the only way we will get through this, though sharing and laughter. And if the hockey gods are listening and have any ounce of justice in them, this disaster will turn around soon.

Symptoms can be shared in the comment section or with us on twitter using the hash tag #OilerPTMGD

Stay strong my fellow fan. You are not alone.

Feel free to share some banter with me, be it hockey or otherwise, on twitter @borisknkov