The Pens rode south after escaping Greaseball Coliseum with a pair of solid wins. I’m sure the team is relieved to breathe fresh air again instead of Axe body spray and piss.
It sucked to watch Sid celebrate his 1,000th game in that pathetic excuse for an arena, especially in front of zero fans. But whatever – he’s forgotten about it, and so should you.
They ain’t visiting friends in DC. More like a lying, cheating, abusive significant other who you just can’t shake.
It should be exciting – the Pens are 3-1 against the Caps this year. But I don’t know…looking at TJ Oshie’s face gets old rather quickly.
No idea what to make of the Caps. I predicted before the season they’d finish 5th in the East, which feels pretty sexy considering they’re like 3-5 in the last 8 games and generally look underwhelming. But they’re also 2nd in the East standings. Up is down, red is blue, I’m clueless, and so are you.
My big takeaway from the Isles series is that Tristan Jarry is Mrs. Doubtfire. HOW DID WE NOT REALIZE IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG????
Sure, there have been other areas of concern (cough, Malkin). But let’s not get it twisted. The Pens have controlled large portions of games this year, and when they get competent / above average goaltending, good chance for a win.
Let’s go.
1ST PERIOD
I like both jerseys. Suck it.
Ray Charles was the linesman and started off strong by calling a pair of goaltender interference penalties. The first one on Matheson was hilariously bad, but no blood.
The next one on Ovechkin was at least somewhat understandable, and the Pens made ’em pay.
PIT Goal (PP) – Malkin (4) A: Letang, Guentzel [6:41] 1-0 PIT
https://twitter.com/geoffwithano/status/1364370433915682817
Pierre was on the money with the analysis – brutal stick position by the Washington PK unit. Giving the Pens easy passing lanes on the PP is like when people pretend to be righteously indignant on Twitter about something Dave Portnoy or Super Genius said. You’re doing exactly what they want you to do.
Overall, the first 10 minutes were like that scene in The Hangover if the Pens were the tiger and the Caps were Galifianakis. Washington hadn’t woken up yet, and were lucky the damage wasn’t worse.
Things evened out with the Pens harmlessly killing another penalty as the Caps found their legs. Period ended with Pens leading shots 12-6.
NOTE: Blink and you’ll miss it – but Mark Jankowski had one (1) shift. Sceviour and Lafferty took a shift away from him and wouldn’t you know it, generated a chance. At this rate, you might as well create cap room and replace him with Stevie Janowski for a gun and chin implants. Same level of production – and you don’t even need to change the jersey name.
2ND PERIOD
How long is Justin Schultz going to wear that bubble?
Dick Panik, which sounds like something you’d experience after questionable night at a Tijuana “strip club”, made the Caps’ first play of the night.
WSH Goal – Panik (2) A: Carlson, Chara ZAR [4:38] 1-1
What a move, Richard Panik! 🚨#AllCaps with the EQUALIZER.
📺: NBCSN
💻: https://t.co/L4s03qNfTd pic.twitter.com/fk409INNRR— NBC Sports Hockey (@NBCSportsHockey) February 24, 2021
I don’t know. It looked like Dick’s speed caught Matheson off guard, but Jarry should prob make that save.
You’re just saying that because you’re trying to get adopted by Mike Matheson.
Fair, but still…
It was a bit of an odd pace with the teams trading a couple HQ chances sparingly for the next 10 minutes. Then…
WSH Goal – Sheary (5) A: Kuznetsov [13:18] 2-1 WSH
https://gfycat.com/flimsymemorablehornbill
To me, that play is mostly on Rust. He needs to anticipate POJ putting the puck on the boards. Instead, he whiffs and Kuzy flies by him. Letang is forced to make an impossible decision (stay with Sheary or step up on Kuzy). Boom goes the dynamite.
Before you could hit send on that clever tweet about Sheary scoring 94% of his goals against the Pens, they got it right back.
PIT Goal – Guentzel (6) A: Marino, Kapanen [13:40] 2-2
That's some serious hand-eye there, Jake Guentzel (@jakenbake20). pic.twitter.com/81O09oTMqr
— NHL (@NHL) February 24, 2021
Great to see Dan Marino get on the scoresheet. Too much talent. Not even sure what to say about that Guentzel tip. Most guys in that awkward position just watch the puck go by because they can’t get their blade up, but 59 still manages to get the middle part of his shaft all over it.
Pens had a lifeless PP and eventually the period ended all square.
NOTE: Can’t be overstated how unreal Patrick Sharp is on TV. Add in the fact that he could wheel my girlfriend and mom at the same cocktail party… just gotta tip your cap. I enjoyed his perspective of Crosby’s rookie goal in the Derian Hatcher game. Totally forgot he was on the Flyers.
3RD PERIOD
The most exciting thing to happen in the first 10 minutes was Marino giving Ovechkin the Hot Sauce treatment at the blue line. Who misses the AND1 mixtapes?
The Pens were quietly doubling up the Caps in shots on what felt like an ominously routine night. This always means something stupid is about to happen.
And boy did it ever. Jason Zucker went down in a heap along the boards at 9:57 and needed help off the ice. Didn’t look great. I live in Columbus, but trust me when I say I could hear the collective groan all the way from Pittsburgh (and smelled the shit in your pants, too).
Here’s the video if you missed it, god dammit.
https://twitter.com/geoffwithano/status/1364401285437550597
You didn’t miss much through the balance of regulation. My only takeaway was Lafferty being immediately noticeable following his promotion from the Sceviour/ Stevie Janowski line. At least you know who problem is.
OVERTIME
Just when you thought to yourself “thank God for OT, at least we’ll get some excitement”, both teams played keep away for an entire 90 seconds. It was surreal.
Finally, the Pens got their first chance on a 2-on-1 with Blueger and Kapanen, and they didn’t miss.
PIT Goal – Kapanen (3) A: Blueger, Jarry [1:43] 3-2 PIT
Beautiful setup by Blueger to Kapanen. Tristan Jarry should also get an assist. 👏👏👏pic.twitter.com/qA4ROxez6A
— Bob Pompeani (@KDPomp) February 24, 2021
Ballgame.
RANDOM NOTES:
- Don’t want to keep picking on him, but I legitimately think Jarry has more points than Jankowski this year. Too lazy to confirm.
- Speaking of Jarry, another encouraging performance. Don’t let him get hot, bitch.
- I feel like I say this every other game – but Malkin looks a little better. The goal was a gimme but he was generally active and making plays. Hope this is the turnaround.
- Pray to whatever God you wish that the Zucker injury isn’t season-ending. Don’t want to be hyperbolic, but if you believe the Sid / Geno window is still open, that would be a significant blow to their chances of ever getting back. Moves would need made.
- Fancy Feast presented by Purina: The blue area is a little further away from the goal mouth than it has been. Baby steps (per NST).
Boring wins are good wins. Especially this time of year, and especially in this division. Well done boys – keep Doin’ It Right. RIP Daft Punk.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLojMGNEJ1M]THANKS FOR READING. LET’S MAKE DICK JOKES AND TALK HOCKEY ON TWITTER: @GOOEYHOCKEY
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